The Letter

A few weeks ago I posted about a letter I was going to write to my wife. Indeed I wrote it and it worked out to be 5 pages of A5 paper in the neatest handwriting I could muster. I then promptly and metaphorically sat on it for a few weeks, pondering the many pros and cons of baring my soul in such a fashion. What do I hope to gain one person asked of me. Gain never particularly crossed my mind but I guess the ultimate goal was attaining a higher level of honesty and trust. A basic goal and one that is in both our interests.

Well, said letter was delivered this week and was received with much fear and trepidation. I had thought it a good idea to preface the handover with a little heads up but in the process I stupidly set her mind racing with all sorts of terrifying possibilities. The prior knowledge of my crossdressing habit and expertise in keeping secrets has unfortunately fuelled many fears over the last 4 years and once again, not unreasonably, they rose to the surface. My shame factor increased to uncomfortable levels but I strove to remain calm and reassure her that contents of the letter were not about transitioning, divorce or any other thing like that.

The aftermath of its unveiling was hardly an aftermath at all. I detected relief amongst a variety of other emotions. Even a little bit of anger but that’s understandable. She took it rather well as I had anticipated. I regretted waiting a little even though it had been difficult to distinguish an opportune moment. I do not regret however the letter itself. It’s possible I may very well have been able to explain  in person but I don’t trust my brain to mouth co-ordination. That has been slowly declining over the years and I find with pen and paper I can explain myself far more succinctly. With this you also have the luxury of drafting and redrafting though I’m proud to admit that I did no such thing with this letter. As I said it wrote itself and why not? It has been gestating for a while now, roughly since February this year. I’m glad I waited till a gorgeous sunny day in June to sit under a tree and write it – not a dour soggy February afternoon.

I know my wife will still be digesting the new information but I think it’s tentatively safe to say it has worked out well in the end 🙂

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10 thoughts on “The Letter

  1. myboyfriendiskinky

    Wow! I bet that is such a great weight to have lifted off your shoulders!

    I think letter writing is a very under utilised tool. It’s the best way to communicate when emotions are strong and you want to think about what comes out before it does. No interruptions distracting you away from what you need to say.

    I’m sure she has some things to think about, but I’m glad you have given her the opportunity to. I’m sure you are too 🙂

    x Jenna

    Reply
    1. Anna Secret-Poet Post author

      Thank you Jenna! It is indeed a better way to get things across, my wife has done it a few times over the years for me but nothing like what I did 🙂

      Hope you have a lovely weekend!

      Anna/Gary X

      Reply
  2. burnseleanor21

    Congratulations. I know that took great courage. Both my husband and I have been through it in our way. I hope and pray all will work out for the best (and I have high hopes it will).xxx

    Reply
  3. michellen1960

    I have been really considering doing exactly this for quite some time but I really am far too scared of the possible outcome, though I do honestly think the reaction would be along the lines of “I have suspected so for a long while”. So good on you for being so brave as to carry through with this.

    Reply
    1. Anna Secret-Poet Post author

      Thank you Michelle! I often think of advice as being a sometimes dangerous gift but I would recommend writing one. It was cathartic in itself. Then when you read it over yourself you can then decide which way to go. Hope you have a lovely weekend X

      Reply
  4. KS

    My wife knows about my dressing. I have fully dressed in the past, but now am more likely to wear a simple shirt, short skirt, black tights and flat shoes. She has in the past pretended that she was alright with it, but now I realise she was just putting on a brave face. Where we are now is that I no longer talk about dressing and do not dress in her presence any more. I find it quite sad and wish it were different, but what can you do?
    All the best
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/128262564@N05/16605374971/in/dateposted-public/

    Reply
    1. Anna Secret-Poet Post author

      Hello!
      I’m sorry to hear about that but you are right, sometimes you have to just soldier on as nothing can be done. It’s something I myself have given up giving up. The fact you still get to do it is something positive at least. I couldn’t get your link to work sadly xxx

      Reply

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