With Anna’s social debut only weeks away the proper planning kicks in. For an average night out I hardly have to pre-think at all – well I am a man! An outfit, such as it is, will be picked at almost the last minute. This man outfit will most likely be a shirt and a coloured jeans combo which I have favoured in recent years. With Anna I feel I’m starting from scratch. Though I have to try hard to resist the temptation to buy loads of new things. Theoretically I don’t need a new jacket but I am keeping an eye out for one, preferably a black one that isn’t too long. The two jackets I have already both have their flaws, the hooded one particularly. Sadly that comfy number is cursed with sleeves that are a little short (or are my arms too long?). The long green one is fine but it’s £5 price tag was the chief motivation behind its purchase.
I never envisaged going out for a prolonged period of time else I would have invested a little more thought into their purchase. As for what I’m wearing beneath the jacket, that is easier. From when the idea of a night out was first mooted I instantly thought of my long red houndtooth dress paired with black ankle boots. More or less the outfit I donned on my last expedition outside. In the last week I have been stocking up on some accessories plus I bought a purse and a bag (both from a charity shop). Also, my thoughts have turned for the first time to earrings. Not having pierced ears they never really occurred to me before. Bless you clip ons! I couldn’t decide between hoops or red diamante drop ones so I got both. They were both off of eBay and were relatively inexpensive. I also purchased some rings, a new scarf and something pretty to wear on my wrist. Did I forget to mention that I got a new wig as well? My brown one has been in faithful service for nearly four years now and up close does not look too healthy so replacing it had been on the cards for a while anyway. The plastic hooks that control the tightness disintegrated some time ago and it’s being held together by paperclips!
Where should we end up? It will be after work and indeed it is with two female friends from work who shall be accompanying me. Eating may very well be cheating but it will be for the best – I don’t want to be sick over my lovely dress (or over them!). Initially I had wanted to go to a t-friendly bar/restaurant, but most of the ones I checked out were fully booked on the night in question. Looks like it has to be a normal bar/restaurant – a baptism of fire (well no actually, the whole first hour after coming out of the toilets will be the baptism of fire). Booking the table under my female name made me chuckle. Afterwards I’m hoping to end up in an area of Glasgow called the Merchant City which has several LGBT pubs/bars/clubs. There is one in particular I’d like to end up in as I hear their cocktails are spectacular.
Of course the issue of changing and commuting to town was put in place early on to enable the plan to built upon it. I shall change in work, bag up my man stuff and all three of us hop on a train for fpur stops. My man stuff will be deposited in Left Luggage for approx 4 hours and I aim to change for the journey home. At this point I must confess that I have not told my wife. There are still three things she doesn’t know and one of them is my occasional trips to the outside world. I do often consider imparting these last remaining secrets but then think better of it. It’s almost like I enjoy still keeping some of it for myself but also I know it could ruin things as they are. We have reached a rather comfortable stage I think, one in which we can have casual discussions about a skirt or she’ll recommend a foundation to me. I just need to be very careful but I always have been 🙂
The common code I use with friends when I’ve recently been dressing is that I had a visitor the other night. Although I suppose this implies a whole other person replete with uniquely different personality and voice etc it’s not strictly true. I change little inside, it’s mostly an external transformation. Years ago I was visited on a regular basis as I had a day off in the middle of the week, still one of my favourite aspects of my time in retail. These days it is more of a struggle as when the opportunity of an empty house arises. The fight between girly time and music commences in earnest. Though I must say that girly time is far more likely to win these days due to the rarity of such chances. There have been times when both co-existed. I can think of a handful of songs I’ve recorded over the years when I’ve been all made-up. I think those songs were probably invested with a little more passion as a consequence. It’s always something I wanted to combine properly at one point – my twin loves of cross-dressing and music. In my current band I have managed a watered down version of this though all I’m missing is a wig and make-up. I will generally wear a dress, tights and heels (sometimes a top hat too!). It’s a memorable image I feel and though it may put some people off I doubt they will forget the band with the dress clad singer. I defend it regularly as a talking point. My wife has come around to it though was for a while anxious as she feared the secret would be out but I’m pretty confident I’ve passed it as exclusively stage attire. I’ll admit though that a few folk who have been let in on the secret recently have gained entry through this but these are people I trust completely.
These are pics I took in July, I haven’t got a post to go with them so thought I’d just slip them in here;
An opportunity arose a couple of weeks ago for a visit and it was a morning session which is unusual. Previously in the week I had got a half day so I could go shopping, mainly for a new dress as I had a gig on the Saturday. Shopping is usually a rare event also so I made the most of that and went into all the shops I could – charity shops mainly. My gig dress plan is a desire to have a select few dresses only for gigs as at previous shows I’ve worn some that I really like. So I came to a decision that I want some I care less about to wear at such events. I found one on sale at Asda for £5. It was a 14 but I won’t be wearing bosoms with it so I can just get away with it (it is a small fight to don and remove). In Barnado’s, a local charity shop, I spied a nice top and a dress that would not look out of place on Kim Kardashian – 99p each. The top doesn’t fit so I gave it to my wife and the dress kind of does fit but I can’t zip it up. I can’t explain why I was drawn to it as it’s not my usual style but it intrigued me. I made sure I at least snapped a couple of pics of me wearing it. Interestingly my wife also took that item. She was trying on some dresses a few days later and I showed it to her. She too was drawn to it and was initially shocked as to how short it was on her but I pointed out that she looked incredibly hot. I neglected to add how erotic I found it that she was wearing something that was mine and was making it look good. Obviously it was actually made for a woman so it would look much better draped around the correct body shape. When I wore it I was trying out my new corset/waist cincher and control pants with hip pads so I was giving it a good attempt. I admit I was taken aback when I seen myself in the mirror – I’ve never achieved that shape before and I was most pleased. I had a waist!
In the few hours I had that morning I didn’t wear as many things as I normally would. I decided I would wear 2 of my least worn wigs (black and long red) and settle on something comfortable but mildly sexy. The mildly sexy part was taken care of with a white satin slip, black hold ups and a burgandy cardigan. Teamed with a long red wig it became most enjoyable. The pictures I was taking ended up taking a saucier turn than usual…
I’m sitting on the upper deck of a double decker bus and I feel awful. The girl seated directly in front of me with gorgeous long red hair isn’t even filling me with cheer. I’m on my way to work, later than usual so I’m hemmed in with a lot of kids on the journey to their education. I’m down mostly because I had a good dressing session last night and this is my come down. Flat shoes, trousers and the daily commute. Last night I was wearing 3 of my newest dresses, including one that I had bought in a charity shop earlier on that day. It’s so pretty and I had got it for a good price because the belt holes were damaged. It was a really nice day actually, I went with a good friend from work who knows about Anna. We visited the Botanic Gardens in the West End of Glasgow and then had a wander around the shops. She purchased a really nice dress as well from a different store.
I had a good couple of hours and even managed to cook dinner and eat it during my session. I had to put a hair band in to keep the hairs at bay. When my wife returned I could see she wasn’t amused. Normally she is tolerant of this activity, could have been tiredness I’m not sure but last night wasn’t one of those occasions. I had to retreat, a defensive measure. From euphoria to despair, it’s funny how it makes you feel like that. It’s been a while since those feelings have crept in. I don’t think I deserve them. I don’t rub it in her face and I’m careful not to bring it up regularly as much as I’d like to discuss it. I’ve not talked about it enough and as a consequence am nowhere near at peace with it as perhaps I thought I was.
I’m not on the bus anymore, I’ve elected to continue on a bench near work. I often sit on this bench at break times. It’s not always peaceful as it’s near a car park and I’m invariably hassled for directions and I’m rubbish at doing that. Can’t play the ‘new’ card any longer. I wonder what the house will be like when I return this evening. We went to bed in silence. I hate that because I’m always up early and can never make proper amends in situations as I’m the only one up and about. Quite the opposite. I feel I need to creep about (and I must be an expert in creeping about right?). That usually means I’m on a downer for the rest of the day and sometimes beyond. So coupled with my CD hangover these are not the ingredients for a pleasant day. It’ll be a numb one. I’m struggling to find the motivation to return from my break. Full of doubts and self-hatred. I think returning to a room full of people I only moderately get on with is not the best idea but it sadly as inevitable as the tides.