Tag Archives: drag poet

Marching to April

Clip clop clip clop I go!

It’s been a busy bunch of weeks since my last entry. My Shoggoth appearance was good fun. That was a cabaret put on by Gabriel Featherstone as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival and also featured The Creative Martyrs, Tootsie Annie, Markee De Saw, Jim the Hobbit and Gabriel himself. It was sparsely attended but I would call it intimate amd I’m quite comfortable with that kind of audience. Often that forces people to be more attentive which is good for me but for the burleque dancers perhaps not so much. I wore a pretty floral dress, black shrug and my black boots. I looked a bit like a school teacher!

I popped to work to get changed as it meant I could take my time and I do rather like the brief train ride and mingling with the crowds in Glasgow.

A few days later I was back at the Britannia Panopticon for a special Spangled Cabaret. It was part of the BBC6 Music Festival Fringe so my tiny name appeared on a poster thus…I’ve circled it so you can see 😊.

I love being on posters, no matter how tiny. I shared a bill with some fellow poets including Stephen Watt, A Crow and Elaine Gallagher. Also appearing were The Creative Martyrs, Scunner, Markee De Saw + Bert Finkle, Dharma Gheddon, Miss Hells Belle, Tom Harlow and Kim Khaos. Paul from Puppet who also ran the show was interviewed beforehand and a portion of it was broadcast the following day was quite exciting. I got changed in work again as it was easier. This time I wore a purple jumper dress with POCKETS and my black boots again.

Excitingly I popped into Tesco Express, which is a mini-supermarket, on the way to the venue and was able to hear my shoes clicking on the tiled floor. Such a joyous sound! Normally I listen to music when I’m out and about so I can zone out a bit but I couldn’t resist.

The gig itself went well though I don’t think it was as busy as Paul had hoped. Everyone who was there enjoyed it though and satisfyingly I sold another 3 copies of my book. Galactic Carnival, AKA Debbie who works at the Panopticon took some photos and here are the 3 I’ve seen of me.

I really love the black and white one! In fact my friend Jenny B-Side photoshopped it this morning…

Excitingly when I was hanging about I spied a familiar face on a poster for The Big Variety on the 15th of April…

Friday and Sunday seen me debuting with a newly joined band called The Well Happy Band. I can’t recall if I’ve mentioned them before but they’re the happiest band I’ve ever encountered. In male mode I play bass for them. They’ve a mini album coming out soon that’s worth checking out. You can follow this link to their website The Well Happy Band.

On Saturday in between those gigs I once again found myself at the Western Baths Club for another Comedy Lotto. Tiredness prevented me from opening and closing this show so I just opened it instead. I think I went down okay. I got to read a new poem called ‘Microphone Banter’ which was okay. If I get into a regular habit of sharing more poetry I may put it up. I’m working on another more epic poem just now about waiting for a bus at night and all the things that come into my head. It happens a lot just now and I may as well right what I know eh?

For once I was quite pleased with my look that night. I felt rather cute and someone even bought me a drink lol! I wasn’t sure about the wig when I first got it but I’m warming to it now. I always find with wigs it’s not just the make-up but it’s finding the right outfit to go with them too. Like that curly one that let me down in February – that was a difficult one to dress for.

We were lucky at this gig to also have some fine female comedians on the bill. Natalie Sweeney Potter (a firm favourite of mine and such a lovely lady), Sarah Jayne-Judge (feisty and very sharp in the best possible way) and Charlotte McDonald who had some cracking stories and observations. Scott McPherson was there too being that it was show, Fergus Mitchell who was on top form again and who had actually brought his 2 sons with him as they had never seen their dad do stand up before! I believe they were impressed 😊. Lastly Gary Faulds, son of an infamous bankrobber apparently. A funny guy to the core, I only sat in his company briefly but it was an approarious pleasure.

Next up is an all day event at Nice n’Sleazy in Glasgow. A takeover by Spite House and Queer Theory so it should be great fun. I’m on that poster too!

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Busy Anna

I don’t think I’ve done a proper post in a few weeks so I’m going to attempt it now whilst sharing some more pics. March is a busy month for me performance-wise. I have 6 Anna gigs in total and that’s me done 3 already. The first one was a hotly anticipated Bowie tribute night I participated in for Cabaret Against Cancer and that was fantastic. I shared a bill with some incredible and glamorous folk that night I can tell you. It was ran by Tom Harlow and Kim Khaos under their Glitter & Grind Revue moniker and also featured Paul Puppet (who also compered), Jack Squat, Markee De Saw & Bert Finkle, Amber Skyline, Raven Rose, Tootsie Annie, The Great Aziz, Jakob Martyr and The Drag Queens of Glasgow who included Alana Duvey, Dharma Gheddon, CJ Banks, Lacy Rain amongst others. In the end I believe we raised just under £600 which was to be split between 3 cancer charities. I didn’t get to sing unfortunately but I did get to write a Bowie poem which I shared the other week and can be viewed here What’s Your Favourite Bowie?

My look was a grey t-shirt with sequined stripes, black flat panelled skirt, black platform boots and a red wig.

I changed into the platform boots when I got to the venue, obviously 😄.

Top photo was by Jamie McFadyen and bottom pic was by Steve Kinnon.

I even got to join in on the finale which was a rendition of ‘Starman’. Knowing I wouldn’t get to bring an actual instrument I cheekily brought a maraca with me so I’d have something to do…

The week after the gig I returned to an idea I’d had a few times before about printing a little pamphlet of some of my poems. A lot of them had been typed up already so it wouldn’t take an enormous effort to corale them together. During the week I set to work. I cobbled together a cover image, proof-read the poems so there weren’t any embarrassing spelling mistakes, printed them as an A5 booklet on two sides of the paper then stapled it all together. I ran off 30 copies which may seem optimistic but I reasoned I could recycle any that didn’t sell. Oh yeah I planned to sell them for £1 if I can. I called it ‘Vicious Fruit’.

The next gig was a night at McChuills again and it wasn’t very good. It’s primarily a rock venue and there was a birthday party in that night so it was rather doomed as far as spoken word goes. I felt sorry for the comedians – at least I had a guitar. I forewent poems and went straight to songs throwing in a raucous cover of ‘I heard it through the grapevine’ for good measure in amongst my normal nonsense.

A few days before, my phone died and I made do with a dubious tablet bequeathed from my mother. I used that to take the grainy images of my outfit you see below this sentence.

I left before the end as I’d had a long day with no lunch or dinner…unless you include cider as dinner! I had to retain energy for the next gig which was the very next night. Thankfully I was able to procure a new phone and recommence social networking activities as normal. Also the camera on the phone is especially good quality. Particularly so when you flip the lens round for Selfie Mode (yes it’s actually called that!).

The gig was at the Western Baths Club and was ran by Scott MacPherson as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival. This venue was the scene of an unfortunate heckling incident when a woman stopped me during my ‘Let’s Dance’ cover to tell me that what I was doing was a disgrace to the memory of a great artist and I should be ashamed of myself 😄. Also on the bill were Gabriel Featherstone, Kavita Bhardwaj, Natalie Sweeney Potter, Fergus Mitchell and Craig Dolan. Apparently the Bowie incident from last November was a talking point for weeks afterwards. Scott referenced it by wearing a t-shirt of David Bowie with his finger on his lips as if to say “shhhhhh”.

That gig was a lot better! I got to close and end the show which was nice. I do it again in a fortnight which should be interesting…I do hope I can find more material to bring. The second half was funny in particular as it was more improvised. It was called Comedy Lotto. There were a load of numbered balls  and random picking of subjects to talk on, much like ‘Mock the Week’ or ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’ sort of thing. Incidentally I sold 5 copies of my pamphlet at this gig so I was well pleased. They cost nothing to produce so I’m in profit already 😊.

Another week till my next one which is a horror inspired cabaret at The Blue Chair hosted by Gabriel. It’s called Shoggoth! Hopefully I’ll get off my arse and come up with something entertaining to bring along X

The Poem Poem

‘The Poem Poem’

Most words I write have already been writ

I’m pretty prepared to admit

not every poem that rhymes is shit

that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it,

sometimes it’s like they’re built from a kit

sticking it together bit by bit

sometimes the pieces refuse to fit

so on forgotten pages they resignedly sit,

some write like a dream and are bursting with wit

if they were singles they would be a hit

or if they were villains your throat they would slit

and from their mouths evil laughs emit,

they’re never so long that they have to be split

before then I would surely have quit

like a hypocrite who learned to knit

whilst stuck in a pit that was filled with grit 😉

What’s your favourite Bowie?

Ziggy Bowie – Crooning Bowie

Plastic soul Bowie – Funky Bowie

Music Hall Bowie – Silly Boy Blue Bowie?

Cheeky Bowie – Laughing Gnome Bowie

Dark Bowie – Gay Bowie

Straight Bowie – don’t mind either way Bowie?

Androgynous Bowie – Eye-patch Bowie

Pierrot Bowie – Earthling Bowie

Space Bowie – Is it cold in space Bowie…would you like to borrow my jumper Bowie?

Cockney Bowie – Swiss Bowie

New York Bowie – Berlin Bowie

Eno Bowie – Iggy Bowie?

Goblin King Bowie – Vampire Bowie

Elephant Man Bowie – Snowman Bowie

P.O.W. Bowie – Shark Bowie? (Has anyone seen ‘Yellowbeard’?)

Bleached Blonde Bowie – Live Aid Bowie

Dancing in the Street with Mick Jagger Bowie

Tonight Bowie – Glass Spider Bowie

Tin Machine Bowie?

Bo-wie Bowie – Halloween Bowie

Arty Bowie – Little Drummer Boy Bowie

Or should I say Bing Crosby Bowie

Under Pressure Bowie?

Burroughs Bowie – Baal Bowie

Buddha Bowie – Jungle Bowie

Heathen Bowie – Lazarus Bowie

Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed Bowie?

I like all the Bowies – and always will Bowie

With little or no exception Bowie

It’s all good Bowie – Goodnight Bowie!

Anna’s Valentine Poem

‘Anna’s Valentine Poem’

 

I can’t guarantee chocolate

or rosey flowers

or ceaseless passion

for uncountable hours

but you can have my attention

and my utter devotion

…and all those other

gushy emotions! 😉

 

ajb

*This poem is dedicated to my wife xxx

Dick Pic

‘Dick Pic’

Sometimes my inbox is a scary place

Sometimes there are pictures – but not of a face

Or kittens or vegetables or castles or palaces…

But raging stonners and laughable phalluses!

A dick pic is not going to win my affection

I don’t care if you can achieve an erection

Everyone’s braver behind a mobile phone

I doubt if you’d be so cocky if we were alone

Status: Woe

‘Status: Woe’

 

My face hurts from smiling

My tongue hurts from lying

My eyes hurt from crying

My hands hurt from trying

 

My ears hurt from listening

My brain hurts from thinking

My liver hurts from drinking

My heart hurts from sinking

 

My feet hurt from running

My knees hurt from jerking

My soul hurts from working

My pride hurts from lurking

 

My conscience hurts from telling

My moods hurt from swinging

My throat hurts from singing

My nose hurts from minging…still, you’ve got to laugh!