Tag Archives: girlslikeus

Galactic Carnival Photoshoot 19/8/17

I am very excited to be able to share photos from my shoot with the amazing Galactic Carnival (AKA Debbie McCall) from a couple of weeks back. I also got photos from my first one in July which I shall share in a later post. It was a really fun and relaxed afternoon we had shooting at the Britannia Panopticon. Also in attendance was a most gregarious Panopticonite called Peter Crilly who helped out with some of the setting up and provided copious puns for our collective pleasure.

The guitar posing all done, we gained access to a creepy spiral staircase backstage that members of the public wouldn’t normally get to see. Apparently it used to lead to a freakshow on the top floor!

We the creapt back into the main audotorium where I posed for some pics at the pianola.

…and then Debbie and Peter took me to the Moon!!

…but I lost my guitar up there! 

After a brief break we ventured outside and down the street to Tontine Lane where we took some urban shots.

It really was a great day! Topped off by Debbie and Peter coming along to my gig at the 13th Note afterwards – well it was only just round the corner. That went really well too! Debbie took some pics of that and filmed the climactic ‘Eyebrows!’ in it’s entirety.. here is a handy link to view it on Youtube ๐Ÿ˜‰

‘Eyebrows!’ Live at the 13th Note 19/8/17

Dick Pic

‘Dick Pic’

Sometimes my inbox is a scary place

Sometimes there are pictures – but not of a face

Or kittens or vegetables or castles or palaces…

But raging stonners and laughable phalluses!

A dick pic is not going to win my affection

I don’t care if you can achieve an erection

Everyone’s braver behind a mobile phone

I doubt if you’d be so cocky if we were alone

The Imaginatively Titled Post 100!

Hello there and welcome to my one hundredth post. Who’d have thought that was even possible…I wonder what the other 99 were about! 
I didn’t write one after my last gig as there wasn’t much to say to be honest. That night was the drugs themed poetry and spoken word night. I had written something specially, which I may share at a later date, but I’m not sure I was any good to be honest. It was a disappointing turnout – even the person running it turned up after the appointed start time. I also took the opportunity to try out mostly new material but the response was lacklustre sadly ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The look I rocked at that night can be seen above, sort of a cute librarian style. As there were meant to be a lot of folk reading the start time was early and supposedly rigid. I got away 30 mins early from work and actually got ready and was out the door in that half an hour. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered. I ended up leaving early and was home for just after 9pm. Actually who am I kidding…any excuse to cut about in the outside world in a cute skirt and boots!

With Halloween approaching and the now traditional dress up and watch a movie in the evening with my wife, a dressing possibility opened up two days earlier. That would mean I’d also be able to make a few more poetry videos as well as try out some new shoes and outfits. If I don’t get to do Halloween I won’t be upset as I did make the most of that chance. A lady in work had given me an orange dress with zips up the side a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t too bad in fact it was quite comfy.

Also I dug out a rather cute top I haven’t worn for a couple of years and paired it with a black skirt I’ve become fond of. A comfy outfit to wear for my videos which I shall also share when I’ve edited them. 5 new poems including one I’ve been working on for a few weeks about my Irn Bru addiction…

I should point out that I’m wearing stockings as well. I plan to wear them at my next gig so was just rehearsing putting them on.

Also I found time to take a few Halloween style shots with some cheap vampire teeth. It’s my dodgy attempt at a sexy vampire!

Hope that didn’t scare you too much! Should’ve put up a warning or something ha ha 😄. The Prisma app has a special Halloween filter this week actually. It makes everything blood red and shit your pants scary so I processed those pics through it to see what’d happen.

Aah that’s much better. Hell on earth don’t you think? I better be going now, I hope you all have a fun and relatively safe Halloween. Until next time…it’s back into the closet I go!

What’s so funny?

Anna’s calendar certainly is fuller than I would have expected it to be at this moment. I’ve been off work this week (legitimitely I can assure you) and that’s me had 2 gigs really close to each other. Excitingly I got to perform at my birthplace so to speak, Spangled Cabaret at the Rio Cafรจ. Always good fun at Spangled! I was intending to attend anyway but I got offered a last minute insertion. Figuring I’d better make an effort I elected to wear that ivory or is it cream dress with the black ruffle on the chest. I also did my legs so I could pair it with a pair of nude heels and attempt elegance.

Damn those heels were tricky! I got changed prior to arriving at the cafรจ so I had to walk about 20 mins or so over uneven ground. I’m such a glutton for punishment. At least next time I wear them I shant slip or fall over…I wore these at Queer Theory in June and as they were not scored underneath I managed to slip coming down and almost c***ed it (to use a charming Glaswegian phrase). 

Photos courtesy of Ruth EJ Booth who kindly tweeted them later that evening!

As usual the evening was hosted by the unstoppable force that is Paul Puppet. Also performing were Markee De Saw and Bert Finkle, Gabriel Featherstone, Kim Khaos, The Guru and The Creative Martyrs. All were on top form and it was an honour to share a stage with them. I hope I don’t have to wait too long for the next time! In the beginning I was worried about where Anna could play and thought that Spangled may be the only possible outlet. I was very wrong indeed. I’ve been accepted and embraced by a bunch of different scenes – the one I never foresaw was the stand up scene. 

I would never have thought of my act as especially funny, though I do have a sense of humour and it does run through a lot of what I do. Well that’s where I found myself last night, at an evening called Comedy Rocks in a bar called Rockus. It was ran by a formidable lady called Gillian Leckie. My fellow performers were; John Boyle, Darren Dodds, Immy Cann, Gordon Joss, Sam Tennent, Adam Julians and Craig Hosie. I was on 6th so had been sitting about in the bar for a wee while scribbling a set and crossing stuff out again. When I eventually mounted the tiny stage I made sure to not be too boring. I gave them a short poem about plastic poisoning and the perennial favourite ‘Stuck in a dress’. Songwise they were treated to a song called ’13 Stone’a’luv’ which I used to perform with my old band. I like it because it gives me a chance to be dramatic and over the top. Sometimes when my band did it we’d segue into a note perfect rendition of ‘I Feel Love’ but time was tight this evening. I finished with ‘Bonus Sausage’, a charming ode to a kind canteen lady. It all seemed to go well, in fact I may be going back there next month so I’ll need to up the ante at that one if I can.

I had to get changed in work again, this time I treated myself to a sauna…I mean train (it was more sauna than train!)

After I came off I was approached by a chap called Daniel who asked if he could borrow my guitar to perform a couple of tunes. During our brief chat I realised we had a lot in common musically so I didn’t hesitate. It turns out he wasn’t on the bill but had persuaded himself onto it and I’m sure glad he did. His songs were very funny! Both about prisons actually 😄. He gave me his card so hopefully there could be a collaboration in the works. I hung about until just before closing as the general chat and banter was great. Had a great week so far it has to be said. Not sure if I enjoyed shaving 2 days after having last done so – my face was aflame! It’ll be practice for November though as I have 2 gigs 2 days apart. So far it looks like Rockus in October is the next one possibly followed by Extra Second at The Blue Chair, which is a poetry and spoken word evening I appeared at in July. The theme this time is Drugs I believe so I should have plenty of time to come up with something. I’m seriously considering writing a positive drugs piece but I’ll no doubt get back to you on that!

New friends, outfits and gigs oh my!

I have had a busy bunch of weeks since I last posted. Visitors to the web edition of my page will notice that I got the hang of ‘widgets’ and now my page looks a lot more interesting. Also, two more gigs under my girly belt! Of varying quality it has to be said. I’m speaking of my own performance of course – I can be pretty harsh on myself a lot of the time. The one I did a couple of weeks ago was superb. That was the one where I said the dress code was: Fierce. I panicked and dug out a little black dress for the occasion. Sadly I haven’t seen any pictures from the evening as the lady running the night is on holiday but I looked a little bit like this…

I had a whale of a time and was especially happy to be able to hang out with Talullah Belle and Gabriel Featherstone. A dancer and a surreal comedian respectively. Also on the bill were Innocence Bliss, a very lovely lady indeed with a cracking sense of humour, the band Reality TV, who were a nice bunch of chaps and their fanbase were very kind towards us too. I found out afterwards that I’d missed a photo opportunity with the ladies in their entourage as I’d got changed back too hastily. It was ran by a lady called Yasmin who was really lovely too and compered by a drag artist called Diana Fire. Things got quite tense during a part of her act when she produced a knife and cut her tights off…also slicing into her shin. Twas a fierce looking wound to be sure. We were assured once some whisky was doused on it and it was bandaged up it’d be fine but I’m still not convinced.

After the gig Talullah was able to put me in touch with a lady who runs nights in the bar she works in. A rock bar in Partick called Rockus. I’ll be appearing there on Wednesday the 14th of September so I’m really looking forward to that too. I seen Gabriel again on Thursday last as I was appearing at his cabaret night in The Blue Chair called ‘The Boiling Dolphin Cabaret’. That was a good night too but I don’t know if I was on top form or not. I only did songs eschewing poetry as I wasn’t in the mood. I wore my trusty polka dot dress that I’ve had for a couple of years now. I felt dead pretty in it! As there is only one toilet there I had to get changed in work again but I’m cool with that now, I’m starting to enjoy it. I had my first ‘windy dress’ incident on the way to the station which made me giddy for a short while after. Arriving well before everyone else I had the chance to relax and have a meal. There weren’t many other people there so I wasn’t hassled and was able to converse with the owner. A Tasmanian lady called Lorelle – she was a formidable person indeed. Her brownies were outstanding!

I shared a stage with Amelia Bayler and Donald Henderson, 2 very funny comedians. I was taken with Amelia in particular, such confidence. Also there was a close-up magician and mentalist called Paul M Distefano. He was amazing! Amusingly one of the people he chose to do a trick on turned out to also be a magician (apparently they didn’t know each other). The gig was sparsely attended but I’ve come to enjoy those ones more. The intimacy is brilliant fun plus no one can hide or talk haha! 😄 (or eat nachos).

Outfits have been on my mind recently too. I needed some new ones and as well as purchasing some nice dresses myself, a good friend of my wife passed a few onto me. Pictures will follow…oh yes.

These are two that I have purchased at charity shops over the last fortnight.

I’m very excited about the next three I’m showcasing! These are the donations from my wife’s friend. The one at the end is especially fabulous ๐Ÿ™‚

Isn’t that peach one exciting? It’s got stage written all over it! Can’t wait to wear it out (once I’ve solved the VPL problem lol).

Hopefully I’ll have some more things to write about soon. Definitely enjoying bringing Anna to life in more social situations these days. There may be opportunities for nights out in the next couple of weeks. I won’t say anymore incase I jinx them!

Have a fab weekend everybody X

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

Though it may not have crossed your mind

My lack of communication

Is cos I’ve left my body behind

Maybe you think I’ve moved on

And have made some new friends

‘Moving on’ could be correct

In a suddenly non-living sense

If you haven’t heard from me, I wouldn’t worry

Probably life’s got in the way

I’ve been juggling it so awkwardly

It’s in such disarray

What was the last thing I said to you?

I bet it was as innocuous as hell

And you’ve probably forgotten

That’s why you don’t want to tell!

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

It’s not like I’d be able to say

We don’t even know the same people

So you can’t find out that way

Don’t even know if I deserve tributes

Let alone ones I’d likely never see

So let’s share our feelings now

Me to you and you to me

Ten Gigs Down!

On Friday I performed my tenth Anna Secret Poet gig. I can’t believe it has been 10 already since February. I would say I’ve come a long way but I’m not sure it’s true. I’m still my ramshackle old self nervously poeming and strumming and shouting. Mostly I’m okay with that approach as I tend to worry that I may overthink it too much and ruin it somehow. Is that overthinking it?

Anyway this was a most enjoyable gig put on in a pub in Glasgow called McChuills by good folk who go by the names of Robert Winning and Kavita Bhardwaj. They are gloriously amongst the very few people who have rebooked me so far so I am especially grateful to them. It was an evening of comedy, music and glamour (with me providing the glamour by the way – honestly, it said so on the original poster). Knowing the venue all to well in advance I knew I’d have nowhere to get changed before hand. Into the toilets in work again to transform and then onto another train…this time armed with a fan I’d purcased off of ebay a couple of weeks back.

I couldn’t resist a train pic – another first. I seem relatively serene!

My wife came along to this gig as well which is always nice, we don’t get to spend too much quality time together these days.

Kavita was hosting it though it’s a shame as I enjoyed her the last time I seen her and would have loved to have seen more. There was comedy from Andrew Ogilvie, Karin Nixon, Auld Tam (who as it turns out used to write for ‘Naked Video’ and ‘Scotch & Wry’ in the 80’s), Scott McPherson and a chap called Ed Whitely. He was the highlight for me as he came armed with a trombone and he wasn’t afraid to use it. Music was by Clare Lynn, The Bikini Bottoms and St Providence. I was sandwiched between the comedy and bands so I had to follow Ed Whitely which was mighty tricky but I reckon I just about got away with it. Still doing my peculiar mix of originals and eighties covers. I debuted my cover of ‘Breakaway’ by Big Pig which if you don’t recognise the name is the song from the start of ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’. It needs a bit of work but could become a decent icebreaker in the future.

I got to talk to few folk afterwards which is always nice and Auld Tam suggested I try The Stand comedy club for a gig. That sounds a bit out of my league and I don’t know if if I could work a crowd who expect to laugh but I may look into it. Another wee surprise was that my friend Deedee whom I met at my Allsorts gig a few months back popped along with her pal Bea and Bea’s daughter Tia. They missed my part as they’d been to see ‘The Rocky Horror Show’  – I bet that’d have been brilliant!

Now I’m planning for my next gig, I’ll be appearing at a cabaret that’s happening as part of the Pride celebrations next weekend. The dress code is ‘fierce’ so we’ll see if I can have a bash at that. I’m really looking forward to this one as I’m in especially good company!

Going to sign off now, I shall leave you with a wee video of me murdering a Yazoo song 😄

Angry at Shadows

Hello there! Don’t worry unduly, I’m not actually angry. That’s the title of the poem I plan to sit at the end of this post. I realise I didn’t write about my last gig – I wasn’t too sure if anyone’d be too interested in stories about gigs now they’re normal occurances. It was fun though sparsely attended. An audience of 4…who incidentally all had four letter names! I wore my favourite teal skater dress and poemed and sang as per normal. Here are a couple of pics from just after I got changed.

I was a guest of The Creative Martyrs at their monthly cabaret entitled The Sinister Wink. They amongst my very favourite performers and I was suitably honoured to be sharing a stage with them. Also performing were Jack Squat (whom I cannot do justice to describe with mere words) and Luna TikTok who was an awesome burlesque dancer. She wowed us with a routine inspired by Vampira and ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’. It was a very intimate evening and I really enjoyed the show. I didn’t however enjoy the heat…which will become a recurring menace for the next batch of gigs I think. I wouldn’t normally choose to crossdress in the thick of the summer but now I absolutely have to as I’ve accrued some commitments ๐Ÿ˜„.

Last week marked a new first for me as it happens, I was attending a cabaret as Anna but not performing. It was also the first time I ventured outside in daylight and boarded a train to the gig. My debut Anna performance doesn’t count as the evenings in February are dark and therefore not daylight. Nothing untoward happened (apart from the damned heat ruining my carefully applied eye make-up). It was great fun! I got a chance to speak to a bunch of people and network as well. I met up with a couple of ladies who I’d briefly spoke to at the last All Sorts night Deborah and her friend Bea. Also I won a prize in the raffle which I sadly must have left at the venue. It was a scented candle as I recall ๐Ÿ˜ฏ.

That last pic was taken by Deborah, she sent me a few but this was the best one.

I had a gig on Thursday night which I discussed in my last post. It was a real poetry and spoken word night so it was rather different to the cabarets I’m used to. I got changed in work again and damn me if it wasn’t even hotter this time on the train. Luckily I wore sunglasses this time so I didn’t look as messy. I had gotten myself really nervous this time but it turns out I needn’t have worried. It was a very interesting evening. Very inspirational indeed and I came away brimming with possibilities again. I was put on first which was fine by me as it meant I could relax and enjoy the remainder of the evening. I did a few choice favourites plus my equality poem which went well. My whole set did well luckily. There was laughter in all the right places! There was no photography on the night but I took a few snaps before ‘normalizing’.

It all got me really fired up for next few gigs. I’ve managed to infiltrate a night at the Classic Grand in Glasgow next Thursday called ‘Jamfest’. It’s not like a normal gig, there is a line-up but there’s also the bonus of being able to cross pollinate and jam with each other too! I fully intend to try a song out by recruiting a bassist and drummer on the hoof :). Including that show I have a total of 5 to look forward to up to November when I play the Burlesque Festival. Definitely shaping up to be an exciting few months!

So I shall end on a wee work in progess called… <br><br>
‘Angry at Shadows'<br><br>
Happily stealing

leftover feelings

scrape them away

like potato peelings

words are for writing

and sometimes igniting

the fire inside

when it’s time for fighting<br><br>
The syllables mounting

practically shouting

no virtue is made

of the facts they are doubting

geniuses fading

once were so laiden

with fantastic ideas

they’re no longer parading<br><br>
Movement is lyrical

moonlight is cynical

the risk of opinion

is swapped for a miracle

my temper forgot

it happens a lot

he has such a shit memory

of what he’s been taught

๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹

Anna’s Equality Poem

In a couple of weeks time I shall making an appearance at my first legitimate poetry and spoken word evening. A mildly terrifying prospect after the cosy safety of variety and cabaret! There is also a theme to the night which is Equality. Apparently you don’t need to stick to the theme but I thought it’d be impolite not to. After banging my head off a wall for a couple of weeks I shook some words out and they formed a sort of piece which I’d like to share if you don’t object.

‘Anna’s Equality Poem’

We’re the same you and I

Except for the wig…

and I hope that so far

you’re all enjoying this gig,

I have no facts or figures

to quantify equality

to do so anyway

would depend on your ideology;

we don’t all dive in from the rain

but we all feel pain

we don’t all support the same team

we all have aspirations and dreams!

We’re the same you and I

except for the fake breasts…

I mostly keep my head down

and hope for the best,

I have no detailed analyses

to offer about equality

instead I choose to focus

on our similarities;

We don’t all sit and wonder

about the skies we are under

we all have to drink and eat

and eventually…excrete!

We’re the same you and I

except for the heels…

I possess the instinct to survive

I know you know how that feels,

I have no problems with

the notion of equality

as a human it should be

our moral duty;

We don’t all fight wars or watch ‘Eastenders’

we don’t all know about the spectrum of gender

we all occasionally like a laugh

and occasionally…we all need a bath!

The Vultures Descend

I was thinking about perception
How must it perceive me?
If it doesn’t exist
And it cannot see
Apparently I’m breathing
No comfort there
Where no one bothers
Or forgets to care

Hold on to the illusion
If that is all you’ve got
I confess such ideals
Are entirely my lot
Existing mainly in my head
From such an early age
Finding solace in song
Or words on a page

If I stay still for long enough
The vultures descend
So I must keep on moving
And pick up my pen
Do I write for a reason
Or reason in write?
I have far too much
That is hidden in sight

The vultures swoop low
Towards this humble librarian
Their hunger is deafening
My words their carrion
They peck at me but thankfully
Find nothing of substance
And for once
I take solace in its absence

image