Author Archives: Anna Secret Poet

About Anna Secret Poet

I am a man who derives considerable enjoyment and satisfaction from transforming myself into a woman once in a while. I decided to try and write about it in an effort to see if I could work out why I do it. That hasn't really happened over the years I've been keeping and maintaining this blog but instead I've learned to be at peace with my unusual habit instead. These days I perform as my alter ego at cabarets, comedy clubs and anywhere else that wants me. I recite dubious poetry and sing a variety of odd wee songs.

Tits of Steel

I am extremely excited to announce that my new album ‘Tits of Steel’ is now live on Bandcamp. It’s free to stream or listen to the tracks but to download it as a high quality mp3 or any other type of file you may wish for £5. I reckon that’s a reasonable price having never technically charged for my music before. On my Bandcamp page it’s generally set up so you can pay what you want but I thought I’d give this a try for a while. During the week I plan to make some physical copies up in time for my show at McChuills on Friday the 13th of October. At this show I also intend to try a set aided by awesome backing tracks culled from the album in question. It’s going to be a fun week all in!

The link for the album in question can be found here…

‘Tits of Steel’ by Anna Secret Poet

The front and back images are courtesy of Debbie McCall from our shoot at the Britannia Panopticon Music Hall in August. Regrettably I had to crop my legs off the picture but no matter. Folk should hopefully get to enjoy them live. The Wicker Man tattoo is courtesy of Erin Jo Mac at The Bees Knees in Clydebank.

This is the back cover (I’m not putting it in a jewel case as yet, pvc sleeves only). It’s from the same shoot and was chosen amongst other reasons for it’s colourfulness. The sleeve will be printed in full colour this time. I normally just do black and white printing but I figured it would be a more attractive proposotion that way.

On the whole I reckon I’m pleased with the results. It’s a brief collection again, clocking in at around the 33 minute mark. Roughly the same length as your average Beatles album. It’s a lot more abrasive than I intended and I hope this puts no one off listening to me. I trust they’ll know that it’s predominantly meant in jest and that I don’t take myself too seriously!

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Broken Circles

Broken circles turn no more

Wakened sleepers pound the floor

Friends and strangers rearrange

Some wounds heal some weep with shame,

Broken circles have an end

They have no effort left to spend

Fight the urges to repair

Leave the pieces over there

Unprepared for Despair (#NationalPoetryDay)

I wanted to pen something

For poetry day

But lately I feel

Like my brain’s gone away,

I’m struggling to find joy

Or ideas to inspire

I feel like a phoney

An inveterate liar,

No use will come of the

Words I commit

But defeat is a thing

I refuse to admit,

So with nothing to say

I march blindly along

Not entirely certain 

Of where I belong

GAK Photography Photoshoot 15/7/17

On a rainy Saturday almost 2 months ago I did my first ever proper photoshoot with an actual photographer. Having mostly photographed myself for years, apart from the odd live show, I was really excited and it didn’t disappoint. The chap in question was Gary Knox who is a fellow Whovian and an up and coming photographer. You can check out his Facebook page here GAK Photography.

I was able to get dressed prior to leaving the house which was good as it saved us a bit of time. We were aiming to really only spend a couple of hours doing it as the weather was most disappointing – typical Scottish summer 😄. The location we agreed on was an area known locally as The Saltings down in Old Kilpatrick. It’s a local beauty spot and nature reserve and for the most part lies between the banks of the river Clyde and a long abandoned railway line. We started out at some old ruins next to the Forth and Clyde Canal just before Bowling Harbour. I posed in what I assume may have been a window or a door in its heyday.

We then decamped to a long wooden bridge a bit further along that leads you from the main path of The Saltings to the cycle path next to the Forth and Clyde Canal.

Our last port of call was on the banks of the Clyde itself on a beach underneath the Erskine Bridge. There lies what I can only assume is an old lookout post or bunker which sits askew upon the sand. I don’t know how long it has been there for exactly but it has been a source of curiosity for as long as I can remember.

The last couple of shots were taken up among some trees just a few feet away from the beach. Have you ever walked on a wet beach before in heels? It was difficult but amusing!

MUST STREAM: ANNA SECRET POET ‘EYEBROWS!’

Some lovely words here plus a fantastic bit of plugging too!

EPIC EARWORM


Possibly Glasgow’s most flamboyant musician, Anna Secret Poet, has something a little different for your today.

Eyebrows!’, from her latest 2-track single of the same name, is a psychedelic clash of music and comedy, with a wild melody and kick-ass rhythm, kind of like if CKY did a cover of Johnny B. Goode.

The track will appear on her upcoming album, ‘Tits of Steel’, expected to be available in time for Christmas (now what a stocking-stuffer that would be).

Also featured on the single is the rather bluesy but just as comical, ‘P.S. Smell Me’ (we’re not making this up!). Click here to download both tracks for free on BandCamp.

Anna has been performing in and around the Glasgow area, in a variety of guises for nearly 20 years. Her schtick is a mixture of spoken word/poetry and songs delivered in a riotously haphazard but heartfelt…

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Galactic Carnival Photoshoot 19/8/17

I am very excited to be able to share photos from my shoot with the amazing Galactic Carnival (AKA Debbie McCall) from a couple of weeks back. I also got photos from my first one in July which I shall share in a later post. It was a really fun and relaxed afternoon we had shooting at the Britannia Panopticon. Also in attendance was a most gregarious Panopticonite called Peter Crilly who helped out with some of the setting up and provided copious puns for our collective pleasure.

The guitar posing all done, we gained access to a creepy spiral staircase backstage that members of the public wouldn’t normally get to see. Apparently it used to lead to a freakshow on the top floor!

We the creapt back into the main audotorium where I posed for some pics at the pianola.

…and then Debbie and Peter took me to the Moon!!

…but I lost my guitar up there! 

After a brief break we ventured outside and down the street to Tontine Lane where we took some urban shots.

It really was a great day! Topped off by Debbie and Peter coming along to my gig at the 13th Note afterwards – well it was only just round the corner. That went really well too! Debbie took some pics of that and filmed the climactic ‘Eyebrows!’ in it’s entirety.. here is a handy link to view it on Youtube 😉

‘Eyebrows!’ Live at the 13th Note 19/8/17

Annaburgh!

I’ve had a great week so far!

On Monday I was at the Queen Margaret Union, Glasgow University, for Spangled Cabaret. A fantastic line-up as always featuring Paul Puppet, Earnest & Wilde, Stephen Watt, Tom Harlow, Raven Rose, Brandy Montematre, Professor Cogsworth and Lacy Rain. Though not extremely busy everyone that was there clearly wanted to be there so a great night was had by all. The awesome Debbie McCall (AKA Galactic Carnival) was there too and snapped some photos of us all. This is one she took of me 😊

The legend that is Stephen Watt also gave me a lift home afterwards which is fantastic. It went on till after 11 and I would have got home at stupid o’clock otherwise. He also snapped a few pictures and took a short video as shown here.

Here are a few other pics I took after getting ready in a dark corner as everything else was locked (uni hasn’t started yet which would explain the sparse attendance…that and the Edinburgh Fringe more of which shortly).

On Wednesday I had a half day from work as I was going through to Edinburgh to do a little spot on a friends Free Fringe show. Natalie Sweeney Potter had kindly invited me onto the bill of ‘Funny Lassies’. I decided to make the day of it and justify the train fare. I got changed in work and headed straight for the train figuring it would save me doing it there and it means I could spend most of the day mingling with the crowds.

Apologies for the tartan spam! I just love this dress and I figured as I was heading to our nation’s capital I’d tartan myself up. I chose my knee high boots as they are comfy to wear for hours at a time.

I did a lot of walking as I had time to kill. Edimburgh is not recommended to be traversed in heels I should add and my calves are not happy with it. I’d say it was worth it though as overall it was a great experience and I didn’t once get any hassle. I popped into a few different places for a drink here and a bite to eat there without fuss. Possibly because at this time of year there are a lot of colourful folk about so maybe I kind of blended into the background a bit.

One of the highlights was bumping into a comedian I had the pleasure of sharing a bill with back in May, a chap called Obie. He was flyering for his show so I popped in to see that. Very funny guy indeed. Great crowd, nice intimate venue. £5 for a beer and a bourbon too 😉

I had also arranged to meet up with Jenny Bside who is an entertainer mining a similar territory to myself. She is up from London to do a whole bunch of shows. Sadly I couldn’t catch her performance as I had to make the train and it was a long journey home. She stayed for mine though which was very kind indeed (plus she took these 2 photos).

Natalie wasn’t there as she took the night off but the Lady Shona and Lubna Kerr were. They were a couple of lovely ladies indeed and very funny too. It was a shame I wasn’t able to spend more time hanging out with them or be around in general. I had to get changed back to normal and hot foot it to the train station which was all up hill then down hill pushing past lots of slowmoving or inert people who conversely were in no rush at all 😄. I just caught a train after 9pm and after a change of train then bus I was in for about half 11.

I wish I’d taken more photos too – would have loved one with the castle in the background but I only managed one with Arthur’s Seat. Maybe I’d do it again but it would be ideal to have company next time as spending most of the day to myself was a bit tiresome. They could have carried one of my cases! 😄