Category Archives: Confessions

Sinister winking, Jesus as a woman and looking to the future in general

Sometimes I hate having to title things, I may come back and change this at one point retroactively. I actually did that with my first four posts as I had originally only given them dates as names. They were even harder to name as they were almost themeless ramblings – I say almost as crossdressing was the main unifying theme.

Well I’ve had a few more outings since my last post proper. One of those was as an extra in a Black Doves music video being filmed partly at the Rio Cafè in Partick. The story was set in the sixties so I donned my wig with prominent bangs and wore a polka dot dress…

This was another after work activity so I got dressed in my usual toilet and popped along for a few hours. I had to stop off in a nearby Sainsburys to pick up makeup wipes so that was officially Anna’s first shop visit. Damn the lighting is unforgiving in those places! Amusingly I also passed a couple of folk from my work on the main road. One clocked me and the other didn’t. The lady who did was full of compliments the next day which did brighten the otherwise tired and hungover morning I was to have afterwards.

Aside from the band themselves and some of their friends I was joined by singing sensation Violet Duff who looked amazing as usual and a very dapper looking Paul Puppet. He is the vocalist in a band called ‘Scunner’ of whom I’ve had the pleasure of playing alongside a few times over the years. He is also the man behind Spangled Cabaret and therefore the first person to give me a chance. What a guy!

The next gig I had was on Saturday the 17th of December at the Sinister Wink. It was awesome to once again be guests of The Creative Martyrs at the Bungo in the southside of Glasgow. Also joining me was Miss Innocence Bliss, one of my favourite burlesquers and a lovely person to boot. I learned a Christmas song as it was technically a Christmas gig. I don’t normally do festive songs but one of my exceptions to the rule and ticker of obscure boxes is that old Go Go’s classic ‘I’m gonna spend my Christmas with a Dalek’. It’s a real song honestly, it’s from the sixties at the height of Dalekmania. Gabriel Featherstone popped along too which was cool, he’d brought along his friends Chris and Boo too. Whilst I was chatting to them upstairs before the show a lady from my work arrived with some friends for a drink. Instictively I waved over and she eventually realised who I was – I often forget I must look so different all dressed up. We had a lovely brief chat and she joined her friends again.

As you can see I went for that Mrs Claus that I did last year when I had a little Christmas shoot. A couple of other people took photos. This next one was by Emma Fork.

A lady called Ruth EJ Booth took a few crackers too and she has kindly allowed me to share them here :).

A great gig overall. I did my usual mixture of poetry and music and generally had a ball. Thinking to myself that that was me until New Year. Wrong! On the Monday I received a wee message from Dean from Black Doves about doing a turn at the last Queer Theory of the year on the Wednesday. To me that was a no brainer as I’ve been loving the whole being offered gigs thing these days. There have been a couple I’ve sadly had to turn down but that’s not bad considering how many I’ve said yes too.

I met my friend Deedee for dinner upstairs in the venue before the gig. Nice n’ Sleazy was the place, a Glasgow stalwart, one of the few. I just had chips I must confess as I was being a cheap ass. It was compered as usual by the incomparible Callum MacLeod. Joining me on the bill were Kavita Bhardwaj the comedian (and a good pal of mine these days), Ruby Waters (a brilliant drag artiste – one of her acts was ‘Alien’ themed and saw her dress up as Ripley!), Boris Gay (not sure how to describe Boris Gay but I thoroughly enjoyed her), the Black Doves (who brought some sparkle as usual) and Zyna Hel (who was sonically mesmerizing and gorgeous to behold in equal measure).

I snapped these pics backstage. They turned out okay actually, there was a wee ledge I could rest the phone on to do so. Someone was taking pictures so hopefully I’ll get to see them in the new year. It was getting late and Deedee offered me a lift up the road which I duly accepted. She dropped me off at a roundabout 15 mins or so from my house. She wasn’t local so I didn’t want to bamboozle her with directions. Also she gave me a dress which she had purchased recently that didn’t fit. Walking up the hill to my house in heels with a guitae and suitcase is not something I want to repeat any time soon I can tell you!

Twenty gigs down – another milestone!

…or is a mill-stone?

I’ve been a very busy bee in the past 10 days as I managed to clock up another 4 appearances. All memorable in their own way and the overall experience has made me question it all again. I am enjoying it there are no quibbles as far as enjoyment is concerned but I’m not really sure I can keep it up. Anna taking over my performance life has been both blessing and hindrance. I have met a whole bunch of new friends and plus done things I never thought I’d ever do, mainly involving being out in public regularly en femme. It has relegated my ‘man side’ a bit though and I’m frustrated at not being able to have completed many new songs this year. I can count 2 since last November. That may change as I have been given the opportunity to join a band as purely a musician and not a frontman. The idea of being a tad anonymous appeals greatly just now.

The Glasgow Festival of Burlesque gig was fantastic. Probably my favourite of the four which is nice as it’s the one I’ve had booked the longest. Some great cast members including Talullah Belle, Tootsie Annie, Nymph O’ Maniac, Trixie Whipp, Tom Harlow, Raphael Risky…annoyingly there are 2 ladies whose names I did not note but when I find out I’ll amend this accordingly. All hosted and ran by the unstoppable Roxy Stardust! Here’s a grainy pic of us enjoying complimentary cocktails. Roxy took it with her new selfie stick.

I only took a few pics myself before heading out. It would have been ace to have gotten some pics with the ladies but at least there are a few photos of the curtain call which were subsequently shared on Facebook.

I should point out that I changed when I arrived at The Riding Room, into black stockings, suspenders and glittery heels ;). I changed my planned route to the gig also and got off the train a stop early. Just thought I’d take a stroll through George Square and feel the wind on my legs briefly.

My friend Deedee came along with her sister and they took a few snaps which I’m pleased to share!

The next gig was at the Western Baths Club two days later. Apparently it’s the second oldest baths in Europe and as it’s title suggests it’s a members only club. This night was called the ‘Comedy Cake Showcase’ and was ran by Scott McPherson and compered by Kavita Bhardwaj. It’s great to share a stage with these folk again, Gabriel Featherstone was there too as was Natalie Sweeney Potter, Iain MacDonald and published crime writer Chris Dolan who read extracts from his recent novel.

I was on last and folk enjoyed my act to the extent that one last song was demanded! I gave them ‘Let’s Dance’ by David Bowie and as I had just finished the chorus and began verse 2 a woman appeared in front of me informing me that what I was doing was an insult to the memory of a great artist and I should be ashamed of myself. Now I wasn’t expecting that! Cue pandemonium and chaos as everybody else in the room disageed vehemently. I wasn’t upset, more angry as I dearly love and miss David Bowie. I reckon he would have taken a dislike to this woman too. She was asked to leave I understand but the night kind of ended on a downer. Well it would have done had it not been for the amazing moral support from my peers and loads of random hugs and kind words from bewildered attendees. Also sold a few CDs – they’re supposed to be free!!

The next day I attended a friends wedding which was a lovely day all round. Fatigue began to creep in a little at this point. The day after that I was shaving and slipping into another dress. Back at Spangled Cabaret my spiritual home but in a new venue. A bar called Dukes in the Yorkhill district. From the moment I walked in I could tell I’d love the place. Electronica, jazz, funk all mixed up on the playlist. I got changed in the Gents this time which was an amusingly cramped experience.

A great night and a fantastically intimate venue. It was especially nice to see Violet Duff again, a very lovely and talented lady indeed. Overseen by the puppet master himself Paul Puppet who in particular did a great tribute to the late Leonard Cohen. Also on the bill were The Guru (wondrous and amusing in equal measure), Lala (awesome acapella) , The Creative Martyrs (sublime as ever), Innocence Bliss (who gave an approaching customer quite an eyefull right up against the glass front door!) and Laydee Rocket (whom I have yet to find the appropriate words to describe).

I’d definitely love to play there again, hopefully one time next year…

The last gig of the four was my twentieth Anna Secret Poet appearance. It was an odd one too. A return to McChuills in Glasgow for a heady mixture of music, poetry and comedy. I got changed at my sisters this time as there wouldn’t be a suitable place at the venue. I took the opportunity to take a couple more pictures during the transformation process.

The journey itself was uneventful. No doubt folk stared but I was none the wiser really. Even took a couple of pictures waiting for and then aboard the train.

I look dead happy don’t I!! 😄

The gig itself was okay but I probably didn’t ‘feel it’ if I’m to be honest. The gig was ran by Robert Winning and a chap known as LJ.  It was great to see Kavita and Scott again plus there were some great comedians on the bill including Scott the Redman Redmond, Christopher KC and John Callum Carruthers. There was another poet and she was called Mary Nicolson. Apparently it was her first gig and she was really good. Her stuff was short and to the point. I made a hash of trying to talk to her though but perhaps we’re on completely different wavelengths. There were musicians too; Scott Wishart, Rose City Blues and Bunker Monkey. I didn’t stay till the end as I knew a bus home on a Saturday would take an age so I set off in search of the elusive bussy beast.

What’s next? A gig on New Years Eve which I confess to be kind of losing love for conceptially. A little break might restore my verve we shall see.

The Imaginatively Titled Post 100!

Hello there and welcome to my one hundredth post. Who’d have thought that was even possible…I wonder what the other 99 were about! 
I didn’t write one after my last gig as there wasn’t much to say to be honest. That night was the drugs themed poetry and spoken word night. I had written something specially, which I may share at a later date, but I’m not sure I was any good to be honest. It was a disappointing turnout – even the person running it turned up after the appointed start time. I also took the opportunity to try out mostly new material but the response was lacklustre sadly 😦

The look I rocked at that night can be seen above, sort of a cute librarian style. As there were meant to be a lot of folk reading the start time was early and supposedly rigid. I got away 30 mins early from work and actually got ready and was out the door in that half an hour. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered. I ended up leaving early and was home for just after 9pm. Actually who am I kidding…any excuse to cut about in the outside world in a cute skirt and boots!

With Halloween approaching and the now traditional dress up and watch a movie in the evening with my wife, a dressing possibility opened up two days earlier. That would mean I’d also be able to make a few more poetry videos as well as try out some new shoes and outfits. If I don’t get to do Halloween I won’t be upset as I did make the most of that chance. A lady in work had given me an orange dress with zips up the side a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t too bad in fact it was quite comfy.

Also I dug out a rather cute top I haven’t worn for a couple of years and paired it with a black skirt I’ve become fond of. A comfy outfit to wear for my videos which I shall also share when I’ve edited them. 5 new poems including one I’ve been working on for a few weeks about my Irn Bru addiction…

I should point out that I’m wearing stockings as well. I plan to wear them at my next gig so was just rehearsing putting them on.

Also I found time to take a few Halloween style shots with some cheap vampire teeth. It’s my dodgy attempt at a sexy vampire!

Hope that didn’t scare you too much! Should’ve put up a warning or something ha ha 😄. The Prisma app has a special Halloween filter this week actually. It makes everything blood red and shit your pants scary so I processed those pics through it to see what’d happen.

Aah that’s much better. Hell on earth don’t you think? I better be going now, I hope you all have a fun and relatively safe Halloween. Until next time…it’s back into the closet I go!

Catch the Tiger

Titles are sometimes a problem for me these days, especially with wee peripheral posts like this. I’m afraid it’ll mainly be an excuse to show off some pictures I took before my gig last Wednesday at Brass Monkey. This was the relocated Rockus comedy gig which I sort of unofficially headlined in a fashion (believe or not I’m still a bit shy about being the centre of attention after all these years 😄).

I made a bit of effort with cinching and padding as I don’t offen wear figure hugging bodycon dresses. Hopefully it looks okay.

I took that particular picture just down from my work on the way to the station. I don’t have many outside photos and I think this one turned out okay!

When I arrived there the place was fairly empty so I bought a drink and got comfy. A young woman came over and asked if I’d mind her and her mother sitting at the next table. Of course I didn’t mind…and the evening began. They were great company – Stephanie and Patsy they were called. We talked about a lot of things (including make-up and Stephanie actually gave me a Mac Primer tester she had in her bag) but generally they were intrigued by me so I had to field various questions regarding what I was up to dressed like a woman in a city centre pub. I explained about the comedy night I was to be performing at and Stephanie persuaded her mum that they should stay for it. 

It was a wee shame as she did get rather drunk over the course of the evening even to extent of the bar staff refusing to serve her anymore. I blame the shots she kept buying us! Sadly she stormed out before I left and I never got to say a proper goodbye. Her mother had explained that they had just had some bad news regarding a close relative and that’s why she was partying so hard.

Eventually I was joined by my fellow performers – a cracking bunch indeed! It was great to hang out with Daniel Drever again as I feel I’ve found a kindred spirit and possible future collaborator. Compere and event organiser Gillian also announced her pregnancy which was lovely news indeed for her and her partner. I seem to also remember we all sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to a chap named Kelvin who is one of Glasgow’s longest serving gig promoters. I myself have had gigs off him many times in my formative years. Amusingly he didn’t recognise me when I briefly spoke to him!

Also on the bill along with Daniel and myself were Christopher Scott, Natalie Sweeney Potter and Charlene Petersen. A most talented and amusing bunch indeed. I think I’m  appearing with Natalie again in November so I’m looking forward to that. This was also the first gig I was able to distribute copies of my CD ‘Vowel Movements’ at. I’ve been left with only a handful so I need to make more for next week when I appear at The Blue Chair again.

Now to the title, ‘Catch the Tiger’. This is the name of my latest composition which I’m learning so I can start putting it in the set asap. Having had some slight creative drought of late I happily seem to be experiencing some ‘idea rain’ if you catch my drift. I’ve completed a couple of songs this past week which is encouraging by my standards. One of them is (hopefully) amusing enough to enter Anna’s set. It’s a song about seizing the day and doing it for yourself but as ever seen through my slightly askew perspective. I recorded a version of it on Friday so I may try and share it at some point soon 😉

What’s so funny?

Anna’s calendar certainly is fuller than I would have expected it to be at this moment. I’ve been off work this week (legitimitely I can assure you) and that’s me had 2 gigs really close to each other. Excitingly I got to perform at my birthplace so to speak, Spangled Cabaret at the Rio Cafè. Always good fun at Spangled! I was intending to attend anyway but I got offered a last minute insertion. Figuring I’d better make an effort I elected to wear that ivory or is it cream dress with the black ruffle on the chest. I also did my legs so I could pair it with a pair of nude heels and attempt elegance.

Damn those heels were tricky! I got changed prior to arriving at the cafè so I had to walk about 20 mins or so over uneven ground. I’m such a glutton for punishment. At least next time I wear them I shant slip or fall over…I wore these at Queer Theory in June and as they were not scored underneath I managed to slip coming down and almost c***ed it (to use a charming Glaswegian phrase). 

Photos courtesy of Ruth EJ Booth who kindly tweeted them later that evening!

As usual the evening was hosted by the unstoppable force that is Paul Puppet. Also performing were Markee De Saw and Bert Finkle, Gabriel Featherstone, Kim Khaos, The Guru and The Creative Martyrs. All were on top form and it was an honour to share a stage with them. I hope I don’t have to wait too long for the next time! In the beginning I was worried about where Anna could play and thought that Spangled may be the only possible outlet. I was very wrong indeed. I’ve been accepted and embraced by a bunch of different scenes – the one I never foresaw was the stand up scene. 

I would never have thought of my act as especially funny, though I do have a sense of humour and it does run through a lot of what I do. Well that’s where I found myself last night, at an evening called Comedy Rocks in a bar called Rockus. It was ran by a formidable lady called Gillian Leckie. My fellow performers were; John Boyle, Darren Dodds, Immy Cann, Gordon Joss, Sam Tennent, Adam Julians and Craig Hosie. I was on 6th so had been sitting about in the bar for a wee while scribbling a set and crossing stuff out again. When I eventually mounted the tiny stage I made sure to not be too boring. I gave them a short poem about plastic poisoning and the perennial favourite ‘Stuck in a dress’. Songwise they were treated to a song called ’13 Stone’a’luv’ which I used to perform with my old band. I like it because it gives me a chance to be dramatic and over the top. Sometimes when my band did it we’d segue into a note perfect rendition of ‘I Feel Love’ but time was tight this evening. I finished with ‘Bonus Sausage’, a charming ode to a kind canteen lady. It all seemed to go well, in fact I may be going back there next month so I’ll need to up the ante at that one if I can.

I had to get changed in work again, this time I treated myself to a sauna…I mean train (it was more sauna than train!)

After I came off I was approached by a chap called Daniel who asked if he could borrow my guitar to perform a couple of tunes. During our brief chat I realised we had a lot in common musically so I didn’t hesitate. It turns out he wasn’t on the bill but had persuaded himself onto it and I’m sure glad he did. His songs were very funny! Both about prisons actually 😄. He gave me his card so hopefully there could be a collaboration in the works. I hung about until just before closing as the general chat and banter was great. Had a great week so far it has to be said. Not sure if I enjoyed shaving 2 days after having last done so – my face was aflame! It’ll be practice for November though as I have 2 gigs 2 days apart. So far it looks like Rockus in October is the next one possibly followed by Extra Second at The Blue Chair, which is a poetry and spoken word evening I appeared at in July. The theme this time is Drugs I believe so I should have plenty of time to come up with something. I’m seriously considering writing a positive drugs piece but I’ll no doubt get back to you on that!

New friends, outfits and gigs oh my!

I have had a busy bunch of weeks since I last posted. Visitors to the web edition of my page will notice that I got the hang of ‘widgets’ and now my page looks a lot more interesting. Also, two more gigs under my girly belt! Of varying quality it has to be said. I’m speaking of my own performance of course – I can be pretty harsh on myself a lot of the time. The one I did a couple of weeks ago was superb. That was the one where I said the dress code was: Fierce. I panicked and dug out a little black dress for the occasion. Sadly I haven’t seen any pictures from the evening as the lady running the night is on holiday but I looked a little bit like this…

I had a whale of a time and was especially happy to be able to hang out with Talullah Belle and Gabriel Featherstone. A dancer and a surreal comedian respectively. Also on the bill were Innocence Bliss, a very lovely lady indeed with a cracking sense of humour, the band Reality TV, who were a nice bunch of chaps and their fanbase were very kind towards us too. I found out afterwards that I’d missed a photo opportunity with the ladies in their entourage as I’d got changed back too hastily. It was ran by a lady called Yasmin who was really lovely too and compered by a drag artist called Diana Fire. Things got quite tense during a part of her act when she produced a knife and cut her tights off…also slicing into her shin. Twas a fierce looking wound to be sure. We were assured once some whisky was doused on it and it was bandaged up it’d be fine but I’m still not convinced.

After the gig Talullah was able to put me in touch with a lady who runs nights in the bar she works in. A rock bar in Partick called Rockus. I’ll be appearing there on Wednesday the 14th of September so I’m really looking forward to that too. I seen Gabriel again on Thursday last as I was appearing at his cabaret night in The Blue Chair called ‘The Boiling Dolphin Cabaret’. That was a good night too but I don’t know if I was on top form or not. I only did songs eschewing poetry as I wasn’t in the mood. I wore my trusty polka dot dress that I’ve had for a couple of years now. I felt dead pretty in it! As there is only one toilet there I had to get changed in work again but I’m cool with that now, I’m starting to enjoy it. I had my first ‘windy dress’ incident on the way to the station which made me giddy for a short while after. Arriving well before everyone else I had the chance to relax and have a meal. There weren’t many other people there so I wasn’t hassled and was able to converse with the owner. A Tasmanian lady called Lorelle – she was a formidable person indeed. Her brownies were outstanding!

I shared a stage with Amelia Bayler and Donald Henderson, 2 very funny comedians. I was taken with Amelia in particular, such confidence. Also there was a close-up magician and mentalist called Paul M Distefano. He was amazing! Amusingly one of the people he chose to do a trick on turned out to also be a magician (apparently they didn’t know each other). The gig was sparsely attended but I’ve come to enjoy those ones more. The intimacy is brilliant fun plus no one can hide or talk haha! 😄 (or eat nachos).

Outfits have been on my mind recently too. I needed some new ones and as well as purchasing some nice dresses myself, a good friend of my wife passed a few onto me. Pictures will follow…oh yes.

These are two that I have purchased at charity shops over the last fortnight.

I’m very excited about the next three I’m showcasing! These are the donations from my wife’s friend. The one at the end is especially fabulous 🙂

Isn’t that peach one exciting? It’s got stage written all over it! Can’t wait to wear it out (once I’ve solved the VPL problem lol).

Hopefully I’ll have some more things to write about soon. Definitely enjoying bringing Anna to life in more social situations these days. There may be opportunities for nights out in the next couple of weeks. I won’t say anymore incase I jinx them!

Have a fab weekend everybody X

Ten Gigs Down!

On Friday I performed my tenth Anna Secret Poet gig. I can’t believe it has been 10 already since February. I would say I’ve come a long way but I’m not sure it’s true. I’m still my ramshackle old self nervously poeming and strumming and shouting. Mostly I’m okay with that approach as I tend to worry that I may overthink it too much and ruin it somehow. Is that overthinking it?

Anyway this was a most enjoyable gig put on in a pub in Glasgow called McChuills by good folk who go by the names of Robert Winning and Kavita Bhardwaj. They are gloriously amongst the very few people who have rebooked me so far so I am especially grateful to them. It was an evening of comedy, music and glamour (with me providing the glamour by the way – honestly, it said so on the original poster). Knowing the venue all to well in advance I knew I’d have nowhere to get changed before hand. Into the toilets in work again to transform and then onto another train…this time armed with a fan I’d purcased off of ebay a couple of weeks back.

I couldn’t resist a train pic – another first. I seem relatively serene!

My wife came along to this gig as well which is always nice, we don’t get to spend too much quality time together these days.

Kavita was hosting it though it’s a shame as I enjoyed her the last time I seen her and would have loved to have seen more. There was comedy from Andrew Ogilvie, Karin Nixon, Auld Tam (who as it turns out used to write for ‘Naked Video’ and ‘Scotch & Wry’ in the 80’s), Scott McPherson and a chap called Ed Whitely. He was the highlight for me as he came armed with a trombone and he wasn’t afraid to use it. Music was by Clare Lynn, The Bikini Bottoms and St Providence. I was sandwiched between the comedy and bands so I had to follow Ed Whitely which was mighty tricky but I reckon I just about got away with it. Still doing my peculiar mix of originals and eighties covers. I debuted my cover of ‘Breakaway’ by Big Pig which if you don’t recognise the name is the song from the start of ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’. It needs a bit of work but could become a decent icebreaker in the future.

I got to talk to few folk afterwards which is always nice and Auld Tam suggested I try The Stand comedy club for a gig. That sounds a bit out of my league and I don’t know if if I could work a crowd who expect to laugh but I may look into it. Another wee surprise was that my friend Deedee whom I met at my Allsorts gig a few months back popped along with her pal Bea and Bea’s daughter Tia. They missed my part as they’d been to see ‘The Rocky Horror Show’  – I bet that’d have been brilliant!

Now I’m planning for my next gig, I’ll be appearing at a cabaret that’s happening as part of the Pride celebrations next weekend. The dress code is ‘fierce’ so we’ll see if I can have a bash at that. I’m really looking forward to this one as I’m in especially good company!

Going to sign off now, I shall leave you with a wee video of me murdering a Yazoo song 😄