Tag Archives: poem

The Poem Poem

‘The Poem Poem’

Most words I write have already been writ

I’m pretty prepared to admit

not every poem that rhymes is shit

that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it,

sometimes it’s like they’re built from a kit

sticking it together bit by bit

sometimes the pieces refuse to fit

so on forgotten pages they resignedly sit,

some write like a dream and are bursting with wit

if they were singles they would be a hit

or if they were villains your throat they would slit

and from their mouths evil laughs emit,

they’re never so long that they have to be split

before then I would surely have quit

like a hypocrite who learned to knit

whilst stuck in a pit that was filled with grit 😉

What’s your favourite Bowie?

Ziggy Bowie – Crooning Bowie

Plastic soul Bowie – Funky Bowie

Music Hall Bowie – Silly Boy Blue Bowie?

Cheeky Bowie – Laughing Gnome Bowie

Dark Bowie – Gay Bowie

Straight Bowie – don’t mind either way Bowie?

Androgynous Bowie – Eye-patch Bowie

Pierrot Bowie – Earthling Bowie

Space Bowie – Is it cold in space Bowie…would you like to borrow my jumper Bowie?

Cockney Bowie – Swiss Bowie

New York Bowie – Berlin Bowie

Eno Bowie – Iggy Bowie?

Goblin King Bowie – Vampire Bowie

Elephant Man Bowie – Snowman Bowie

P.O.W. Bowie – Shark Bowie? (Has anyone seen ‘Yellowbeard’?)

Bleached Blonde Bowie – Live Aid Bowie

Dancing in the Street with Mick Jagger Bowie

Tonight Bowie – Glass Spider Bowie

Tin Machine Bowie?

Bo-wie Bowie – Halloween Bowie

Arty Bowie – Little Drummer Boy Bowie

Or should I say Bing Crosby Bowie

Under Pressure Bowie?

Burroughs Bowie – Baal Bowie

Buddha Bowie – Jungle Bowie

Heathen Bowie – Lazarus Bowie

Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed Bowie?

I like all the Bowies – and always will Bowie

With little or no exception Bowie

It’s all good Bowie – Goodnight Bowie!

Dick Pic

‘Dick Pic’

Sometimes my inbox is a scary place

Sometimes there are pictures – but not of a face

Or kittens or vegetables or castles or palaces…

But raging stonners and laughable phalluses!

A dick pic is not going to win my affection

I don’t care if you can achieve an erection

Everyone’s braver behind a mobile phone

I doubt if you’d be so cocky if we were alone

Status: Woe

‘Status: Woe’

 

My face hurts from smiling

My tongue hurts from lying

My eyes hurt from crying

My hands hurt from trying

 

My ears hurt from listening

My brain hurts from thinking

My liver hurts from drinking

My heart hurts from sinking

 

My feet hurt from running

My knees hurt from jerking

My soul hurts from working

My pride hurts from lurking

 

My conscience hurts from telling

My moods hurt from swinging

My throat hurts from singing

My nose hurts from minging…still, you’ve got to laugh!


 

Anna Bru

I’ve been working on this off and on for a couple of months now but finally finished it last week. Even found time to make a wee video for it too so that if you’d rather not read it you can watch it instead!

So here’s my tribute to Scotlands other national drink 🙂


‘Anna Bru’

Going to change my name to Anna Bru

The Secret Poet will no longer do

Such is my love for Irn Bru

– my downfall in a can,

I crave it in the morning after breaking my fast

Sometimes I think I glug it too fast

Besotted doesn’t cover it ya bass!

I’ll share it with no one,

Like nectar it’s sublime

It makes me love it more every time

Like an elegant but rusty sunrise

Dancing playfully on my tongue,

Glass bottle is best but it’s got to be freezing

The hit’s more intense is my reason

My poor teeth may disagree over time

And perhaps my belly will too,

It has to be ‘Barrs’ it must be said

None if this own brand shite instead

The one with the secret recipe

That only a few people know,

Sadly you no longer get your 30 pence back

So these days I stick to the multipacks

May the girders ever support my world

And maintain an exciting fizz!

Sarcastic Kiss

Let me take up paper and write of forests

Leafy memories of varied significance

The purged sanctuaries and sacred hollows

Naked and exposed,

Let me close my eyes to see it fully

Lips pursed in a sarcastic kiss

Instantly thoughts jostle for position

Drowning out the icy wind,

Let me make an error to fix a mistake

Regretting regrets is my new favourite passtime

For all the forward thinking I can muster

The backward pull is always stronger

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

Though it may not have crossed your mind

My lack of communication

Is cos I’ve left my body behind

Maybe you think I’ve moved on

And have made some new friends

‘Moving on’ could be correct

In a suddenly non-living sense

If you haven’t heard from me, I wouldn’t worry

Probably life’s got in the way

I’ve been juggling it so awkwardly

It’s in such disarray

What was the last thing I said to you?

I bet it was as innocuous as hell

And you’ve probably forgotten

That’s why you don’t want to tell!

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

It’s not like I’d be able to say

We don’t even know the same people

So you can’t find out that way

Don’t even know if I deserve tributes

Let alone ones I’d likely never see

So let’s share our feelings now

Me to you and you to me