Tag Archives: poem

Dick Pic

‘Dick Pic’

Sometimes my inbox is a scary place

Sometimes there are pictures – but not of a face

Or kittens or vegetables or castles or palaces…

But raging stonners and laughable phalluses!

A dick pic is not going to win my affection

I don’t care if you can achieve an erection

Everyone’s braver behind a mobile phone

I doubt if you’d be so cocky if we were alone

Status: Woe

‘Status: Woe’

 

My face hurts from smiling

My tongue hurts from lying

My eyes hurt from crying

My hands hurt from trying

 

My ears hurt from listening

My brain hurts from thinking

My liver hurts from drinking

My heart hurts from sinking

 

My feet hurt from running

My knees hurt from jerking

My soul hurts from working

My pride hurts from lurking

 

My conscience hurts from telling

My moods hurt from swinging

My throat hurts from singing

My nose hurts from minging…still, you’ve got to laugh!


 

Anna Bru

I’ve been working on this off and on for a couple of months now but finally finished it last week. Even found time to make a wee video for it too so that if you’d rather not read it you can watch it instead!

So here’s my tribute to Scotlands other national drink 🙂


‘Anna Bru’

Going to change my name to Anna Bru

The Secret Poet will no longer do

Such is my love for Irn Bru

– my downfall in a can,

I crave it in the morning after breaking my fast

Sometimes I think I glug it too fast

Besotted doesn’t cover it ya bass!

I’ll share it with no one,

Like nectar it’s sublime

It makes me love it more every time

Like an elegant but rusty sunrise

Dancing playfully on my tongue,

Glass bottle is best but it’s got to be freezing

The hit’s more intense is my reason

My poor teeth may disagree over time

And perhaps my belly will too,

It has to be ‘Barrs’ it must be said

None if this own brand shite instead

The one with the secret recipe

That only a few people know,

Sadly you no longer get your 30 pence back

So these days I stick to the multipacks

May the girders ever support my world

And maintain an exciting fizz!

Sarcastic Kiss

Let me take up paper and write of forests

Leafy memories of varied significance

The purged sanctuaries and sacred hollows

Naked and exposed,

Let me close my eyes to see it fully

Lips pursed in a sarcastic kiss

Instantly thoughts jostle for position

Drowning out the icy wind,

Let me make an error to fix a mistake

Regretting regrets is my new favourite passtime

For all the forward thinking I can muster

The backward pull is always stronger

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

Though it may not have crossed your mind

My lack of communication

Is cos I’ve left my body behind

Maybe you think I’ve moved on

And have made some new friends

‘Moving on’ could be correct

In a suddenly non-living sense

If you haven’t heard from me, I wouldn’t worry

Probably life’s got in the way

I’ve been juggling it so awkwardly

It’s in such disarray

What was the last thing I said to you?

I bet it was as innocuous as hell

And you’ve probably forgotten

That’s why you don’t want to tell!

If you haven’t heard from me, I’m probably dead

It’s not like I’d be able to say

We don’t even know the same people

So you can’t find out that way

Don’t even know if I deserve tributes

Let alone ones I’d likely never see

So let’s share our feelings now

Me to you and you to me

Angry at Shadows

Hello there! Don’t worry unduly, I’m not actually angry. That’s the title of the poem I plan to sit at the end of this post. I realise I didn’t write about my last gig – I wasn’t too sure if anyone’d be too interested in stories about gigs now they’re normal occurances. It was fun though sparsely attended. An audience of 4…who incidentally all had four letter names! I wore my favourite teal skater dress and poemed and sang as per normal. Here are a couple of pics from just after I got changed.

I was a guest of The Creative Martyrs at their monthly cabaret entitled The Sinister Wink. They amongst my very favourite performers and I was suitably honoured to be sharing a stage with them. Also performing were Jack Squat (whom I cannot do justice to describe with mere words) and Luna TikTok who was an awesome burlesque dancer. She wowed us with a routine inspired by Vampira and ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’. It was a very intimate evening and I really enjoyed the show. I didn’t however enjoy the heat…which will become a recurring menace for the next batch of gigs I think. I wouldn’t normally choose to crossdress in the thick of the summer but now I absolutely have to as I’ve accrued some commitments 😄.

Last week marked a new first for me as it happens, I was attending a cabaret as Anna but not performing. It was also the first time I ventured outside in daylight and boarded a train to the gig. My debut Anna performance doesn’t count as the evenings in February are dark and therefore not daylight. Nothing untoward happened (apart from the damned heat ruining my carefully applied eye make-up). It was great fun! I got a chance to speak to a bunch of people and network as well. I met up with a couple of ladies who I’d briefly spoke to at the last All Sorts night Deborah and her friend Bea. Also I won a prize in the raffle which I sadly must have left at the venue. It was a scented candle as I recall 😯.

That last pic was taken by Deborah, she sent me a few but this was the best one.

I had a gig on Thursday night which I discussed in my last post. It was a real poetry and spoken word night so it was rather different to the cabarets I’m used to. I got changed in work again and damn me if it wasn’t even hotter this time on the train. Luckily I wore sunglasses this time so I didn’t look as messy. I had gotten myself really nervous this time but it turns out I needn’t have worried. It was a very interesting evening. Very inspirational indeed and I came away brimming with possibilities again. I was put on first which was fine by me as it meant I could relax and enjoy the remainder of the evening. I did a few choice favourites plus my equality poem which went well. My whole set did well luckily. There was laughter in all the right places! There was no photography on the night but I took a few snaps before ‘normalizing’.

It all got me really fired up for next few gigs. I’ve managed to infiltrate a night at the Classic Grand in Glasgow next Thursday called ‘Jamfest’. It’s not like a normal gig, there is a line-up but there’s also the bonus of being able to cross pollinate and jam with each other too! I fully intend to try a song out by recruiting a bassist and drummer on the hoof :). Including that show I have a total of 5 to look forward to up to November when I play the Burlesque Festival. Definitely shaping up to be an exciting few months!

So I shall end on a wee work in progess called… <br><br>
‘Angry at Shadows'<br><br>
Happily stealing

leftover feelings

scrape them away

like potato peelings

words are for writing

and sometimes igniting

the fire inside

when it’s time for fighting<br><br>
The syllables mounting

practically shouting

no virtue is made

of the facts they are doubting

geniuses fading

once were so laiden

with fantastic ideas

they’re no longer parading<br><br>
Movement is lyrical

moonlight is cynical

the risk of opinion

is swapped for a miracle

my temper forgot

it happens a lot

he has such a shit memory

of what he’s been taught

💋💋💋

Anna’s Equality Poem

In a couple of weeks time I shall making an appearance at my first legitimate poetry and spoken word evening. A mildly terrifying prospect after the cosy safety of variety and cabaret! There is also a theme to the night which is Equality. Apparently you don’t need to stick to the theme but I thought it’d be impolite not to. After banging my head off a wall for a couple of weeks I shook some words out and they formed a sort of piece which I’d like to share if you don’t object.

‘Anna’s Equality Poem’

We’re the same you and I

Except for the wig…

and I hope that so far

you’re all enjoying this gig,

I have no facts or figures

to quantify equality

to do so anyway

would depend on your ideology;

we don’t all dive in from the rain

but we all feel pain

we don’t all support the same team

we all have aspirations and dreams!

We’re the same you and I

except for the fake breasts…

I mostly keep my head down

and hope for the best,

I have no detailed analyses

to offer about equality

instead I choose to focus

on our similarities;

We don’t all sit and wonder

about the skies we are under

we all have to drink and eat

and eventually…excrete!

We’re the same you and I

except for the heels…

I possess the instinct to survive

I know you know how that feels,

I have no problems with

the notion of equality

as a human it should be

our moral duty;

We don’t all fight wars or watch ‘Eastenders’

we don’t all know about the spectrum of gender

we all occasionally like a laugh

and occasionally…we all need a bath!