Marquez Studios Photoshoot, Feb 2019

In the Glasgow cabaret world, one of its finest documentors is a lady called Amy Irene Marquez and I’d been dying to work with her for ages. She has been responsible for some of the coolest portraits I’ve seen these past few years and I finally got the chance to work with her in February. I confess I was a bit shy, as I still am around photographers. I guess I’m so used to taking photos by myself. It is different on my own especially as I hold back less. We got on very well though and we managed to get some really nice photos in such a short space of time. I hadn’t really thought of a concept as such but I had brought along a few things in my bag, namely my ukulele, a replica human brain and my portable cassette player with headphones and a couple of tapes. Sadly we didn’t factor in the brain but if there is ever another time I get some photos done I plan to include it.

You can check out her work on Facebook and Instagram 😉

Anna Claus

This week has seen possibly the best 2 shows I’ve done in a long time if ever. I’m my own harshest critic so I rarely think I’ve done well but I got lucky with audiences on Monday at Spangled Cabaret and Saturday at the 13th Note.

Monday was very special indeed as after a few songs people started dancing and by the end the words were being shouted back at me! Awesomely exciting stuff. It was videoed as well by a friend called Jon the Hat of Haufcut Video Productions. The full set can be viewed on Youtube via this link –

Anna Secret Poet Live at Spangled Cabaret 3/12/18

Action shot by Ruth Booth

I got to wear one of my newest purchases which is a lovely wool-effect Mrs Claus dress from Primark. I coveted it last year so leapt at the chance to own it this time round. Yes I fully realise I’ll only get to wear it a few times a year but it was so worth it. In a few spare moments today I posed for a few pics in the house. It got a bit cheeky 😉

An early Christmas treat for you 😘

I also videod myself singing a Christmas song I wrote at the beginning of this year specifically dealing with the aftermath. I call it ‘Coming Down From Christmas’ ❤

The gig last night was even better. I was invited by The Red Lite District to join a bill at the 13th Note – my oldest surviving stomping ground. It’s a lovely big vegan cafe in Glasgow’s Merchant City. One of my favourite places, especially when it’s busy! The first time I was there was in April 1999 to see Biffy Clyro and Aereogramme. To have seen them in such a tiny venue was amazing in fact they impressed me so much that I felt like giving up music all together. When I got home I wrote a song inspired by their ‘Hope for an Angel’ which included the same quiet/loud bursts, gentle riffs and high singing voice. I called it ‘Hollow’ and it became a live staple for my teenage band at the time called ‘Guavara’.

‘Hollow’ by Guavara

There were 4 bands in total. The Limbo Scene, myself, The Red Lite District and The Performance Enhancing Suppositories. I was on second which turned out to be the optimum time to go on and I probably had the densest crowd. That made it magical. I reckon I played pretty well. Possibly I played it too safe with my set but I’ve not had much chance to practice recently. I’ve been hoping to add a few new tracks into the set but hopefully I will next year.

Action shot by Pat McGuire @ PMG Photog

I’m still peddling my new album. You can also now stream it in its entirety on Youtube from the following handy link…

Anna Secret Poet – Party on, Papillon! (Full Album on Youtube)

I’m also hoping to do a few more Christmas shots next week when I have my last show of the year. Drag-Opticon at the Britannia Panopticon – I cannot wait! I may even bring 2 costumes this time 😄

In the Garden of Eden

I’ve been super busy since I last posted here and I’ve been meaning to update for over a month. At the start of June I went to Eden Festival again, this time to perform with the Well Happy Band and as Anna which was very exciting. I was there from Thursday till Monday so it was tiring but well worth it. On the Thursday, Alaine and Janine who inaugurated the band were running an open mic spot at the Melodrome Mobile Stage. This stage was where I spent most of my time. It’s in a beautiful forest clearing off the main track but worth the trek if you find it. The band closed the night but I actually got to do a few songs as myself which technically I haven’t done for a long time. I went by the name Chairman Cow which is a persona I have all but ditched by now.

L-R – Colin Syme, John & Tricia Gordon and me

That’s me playing bass on the far right!

It wasn’t till after midnight that I got to pitch my tent, under a tree in an area behind the stage. The Melodrome folk had their own private camping space with a kitchen and chillout area so I wasn’t alone. In the morning I had a shave and got all dolled up. Short blonde hair and denim shorts – oh yeah!

I took these as I wondered the site on Friday morning. My bandmates were probably still sleeping at the time. I took the opportunity to take photos with my digital camera too around the perimeter of the Melodrome.

I got to spend the whole day as Anna – possibly the longest I’ve ever spent. I had 2 slots at the Melodrome (plus one with Well Happy in a place called Bob’s Back Passage). There aren’t many photos that I know of as yet but Beverly Pearson took some and I’d like to share them here.

I look like Kurt Cobain lol!

This is another one that Beverly took and the man on the right is my best and oldest friend Colin Syme. He’s the keyboardist in the legendary ‘Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5’ and was the bass player in my first band Guavara and my last Les Grandes Horizontales. I miss playing music with him!

After my first set I had a costume change, a mustard vest top with giraffes on it and a denim skirt…

Much better! It was so warm so it was nice to get a bit of a breeze. Also this marked the first time I was outside with a skirt and no tights. It was brilliant 😊 My second set went okay but it less well attended than the first one. I hung about afterwards to catch ‘Donut! Formerly known as Eating Disorder’. They were fantastic, marred only by the constant attack of midges. I had so many bites on my arms, torso, legs and bum come Monday! 😄

On the Saturday I was due to make another appearance at the Melodrome as part of Spangled Cabaret. Also on the bill were Paul Puppet who was hosting, Dharma Geddon, Alana Duvey, Gabriel Featherstone, The Great Aziz, the Golden Empress and Luki.

Photos courtesy of Paul Puppet ❤

I had my TARDIS dress on and I posed for one or two photos backstage before the show although only one of them was useable…

I was billed last so patiently waited around enjoying everyone else. When my time came I found we were running behind and I could extend my set. The joys! How it was not to be ☹ One song down I started ‘Tits of Steel’ only to have the plugs pulled shortly after. A massive thunder and lightning storm had necessitated the power being shut off for the entire site. As we were in a wooded area we had to evacuate immediately for safety reasons! Massive bummer…it put me on a downer for a few hours as I wasn’t able to go back on. I got changed back into man clothes which I reget now as that meant Anna’s festival was over. The upside was that the remaining 2 nights were spent in relative comfort. Gone was the tent and into Alaine’s comfy motorhome I went. Hopefully I get asked back next year!

Anna Strikes Again

On Monday night I got to get my poet on for the second time and I had tremendous fun. Feeling a lot less nervy this time round, was able to kind of relax and even planned my set out properly. I even got a chance to pose for some pics beforehand when the bar was pretty vacant as I’d hoped.

The other acts were amazing as well; Violet Duff, The Creative Martyrs, Wild Card Kitty (who came out dressed as a hot dog and left covered barely dressed splattered in ketchup and mustard), Markee De Saw (who’s tips on how to pick up women were priceless and included a note perfect rendition of ‘The Bad Touch’), Haystack Monolith, Kim Khaos, Lala, and the compere extraordinaire Paul Puppet. His rendition of ‘Happy Together’ in a german accent was particularly enjoyable.

I’m not sure when my next gig will be but that should allow me time to collect more material. I have applied for a few things and contacted people so I’m just waiting to see. Hopefully I’ll have another one to report before long X

A massive thank you to anyone who came along, especially my good lady wife who took these pictures!

Doubt sets in

I have felt a little bit lost of late, creatively speaking. Musically I feel spent and somewhat abandoned. Solace seems to be coming from my Secret Poet project which excites me but deep down I know it is not the ideal way forward. Thinking I could fit in with the cabaret set was perhaps a misguided notion. Sure I am capable of a certain degree of glamour but my act isn’t even a proper act and it’s entertainment value or wow factor is perhaps non-existent. This became clear to me as I took to the stage as Anna for the first time. As fun as it was I always tend to be my harshest critic and like with my music performances I believe I may have been the least interesting item on the menu. I’m not sure how I can enliven it as jokes and banter are not especially easy for me. I did consider early on in the planning process that I could end on a song. Be it an extremely random cover version or some funny little ditty I have yet to compose. Having spoken with my wife and another friend I’ve came to realise that I rushed my performance. That’s normal I guess – I always remember the very first gig I did with my band when I was 17. We did our half hour set in 20 mins!

I have another week to prepare for it and at least this time I have more poems to choose from so I can be picky. I wish I had more like ‘Stuck in a dress’. It was pointed out to me that that is my pivotal work ie the one that goes the best with my image. I’m a guy getting stuck in a dress and isn’t it usually women who get stuck in dresses…oh the hilarity. Most of the other poems could be told without the hair and make-up as my normal self but not that one. I should think about it more over the next while.

I’m really looking forward to the gig as it’ll be a chance to hang out as Anna in a cool place with arty and open-minded people. In the back of my mind I’m also planning to get to take some pictures (posed of course) whilst there. Sick of taking the same pictures in the house so the Art School should provide a good opportunity for that. I took some new photos last weekend actually and some of them were rather good. Here they are below, the red dress and the blue dress are new purchases. Both from charity shops – I can’t resist a bargain 🙂

These outfits are older but I was able to still find ways of enjoying them. For this part of the session I donned a trusty waist cincher and hip padding to lend a more feminine shape. It’s required especially for the sake of the bodycon dress which just goes up and down on my manly frame.

Plastic Poisoning

Plastic fork – plastic knife
Plastic feelings – plastic life
Plastic spoon – plastic plate
Plastic bottle – rehydrate
Plastic arms – plastic legs
Plastic penis for plastic sex
Too much plastic in your life
Plastic husband – plastic wife
Plastic ego – plastic mind
Plastic reasons for you to find
If you see a plastic man
Melt him down and start again
Plastic fever – plastic cure
Plastic boredom to endure
Plastic poisoning is not your friend
It will get you in the end!

Mid-Week Dress Up Joy

I always wish I had more important or exciting things to write about. As it is though I cannot fully express the joy and excitement of a mid-week dressing session, especially one that takes place during the day lasting through to the night. I had managed to secure a half-day from work and decided to have a little jaunt round the shops. Aside from important stuff like wine, popcorn etc I was blessed with discovering some bargains. Firstly these 2 dresses both cost 99p from Barnado’s;

The purple knitted one is very comfy indeed and I must have wore that for quite a while (it has pockets too, I love pockets).

As you can see I also did my legs and chest, a rare event indeed. Haven’t done my legs for about 7 months and it always makes a difference to the outfit not to mention that it ups the femininity factor. All of a sudden the skirts get shorter…

That last skirt is one of my favourites, it managed to survive the last purge. It’s just so ridiculously short. I know it doesn’t really go with stockings but I don’t care!

The other bargain I secured was in Primark where I found a pair of nude heels for £3 in the sale. Upon taking them to the counter I ended up in a bit of banter with the assistant. She didn’t really think they were my style and I told her that I had an outfit that would go swell with them (a lie) so stop being so presumptuous. When the shoes scanned they showed up as £1! I could have done a wee dance but I restrained myself and expressed pleasant surprise. There’s a little ankle strap on them that I considered cutting off but actually it looks okay on.

…my favourite view, I cannot lie!

Mostly I lounged around – though I did put a washing on, hoover and do the dishes so I’m not a totally lazy bitch. I like to try and make the most of this time. That’s why I never just wear one outfit and I’m assuming other cds are the same. There was a dress I got my wife for Christmas years ago that she has relinquished to me that I rather liked, I tried that out to. It was from Joe Browns so it wasn’t exactly cheap.

Finally what turned out to be the biggest surprise was a red dress I bought to wear at a Christmas gig last year*. I had never worn it with make-up and a wig before but I thought I’d give it a go because I was considering getting rid of it.

I’ve changed my mind as you can imagine.

Before I go here’s a shot of my new ridiculous shoes on. I’m still not used to them yet as they are a bit big for me and I have to stuff them at the back so they don’t fall off!

*I wear a dress and heels on stage with my band but I don’t go all the way. I get too warm on stage in normal attire so a full transformation would be out of the question.

Anna’s New Shoes

Good day to you all!

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend – I know I am and I want to tell you why. The best charity shop find ever happened yesterday, I found a pair of size 11 heels which reach a staggering height of 6.5 inches. It’s the first time I’ve bought lady shoes and they’ve been a little bit roomy. I have to say I like that sensation. They’re so cool it’s almost like I shouldn’t wear them at all and I should put them on a shelf and admire them.

I’m especially pleased because it’s obvious that they’ve been previously owned by a like-minded soul, albeit a soul who possibly spent an obscene amount of money on them. I paid £8.99 but I googled the company ‘Only Maker’ and they’re all custom made. The sale stuff alone is in the region of $50 and upwards so goodness knows how much they originally cost.

Another interesting point is that they are immaculate underneath – they’ve never been worn outside! Having tottered about the house in them myself I can see why though. Even my wife had a go, strutting up and down the hall. We had a good old laugh but she actually looked sensational in them. Although I’m tentatively considering them an investment I’m determined to enjoy them for a while. Can’t wait to team them with silky smooth legs and an outfit of some kind!

X

Hard to Beat

It’s been a month now since Anna’s first night out on the town but it feels longer than that. Plans for a sequel have faltered in the early stages due to some of my friends deciding that perhaps they don’t really want to be associated with such an odd activity. I understand and have quietly and sadly shelved it for the time being. For now I find myself patiently awaiting the next opportunity to dress and I genuinely don’t know when that’ll be. Ordinarily that would make me feel a bit anxious as the days and weeks pass by but this time I feel different. I know I definitely want to do it and even have a few new things I can wear; a couple of dresses and a couple of new tops.

Maybe the night out was a bigger deal than I previously considered. It wasn’t a standard dressing session by any means it was really full on, so it might be hard to top. I’d really like to involve my wife if I can – if indeed I ever do it again. Who am I kidding? Need to man up (well, woman up) and think positive about this. I could make it a Halloween night out, not really gone out at Halloween for years. The last time I think I went as Rimmer from Red Dwarf. That was 2003 and if I’m remembering correctly the original plan was for me to drag up. My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time had procured a long blonde wig from her friend. That was actually the main reason I changed my mind. I don’t see myself as a blonde and I didn’t like how she did my make-up. Obviously I didn’t tell her that, the excuse I gave was more along the lines of me chickening out. We would have had to get on a bus to town for around an hour (and returned afterwards as well). I also didn’t feel feminine enough. At this time I didn’t have much of a clothes collection, only some bras and knickers. No dresses, no skirts, no heels, no point. All my girlfriend had thought to bring was a top that said ‘Barbie is a slut’ on it. I ended up cobbling together the Rimmer thing really quickly as a last minute replacement, see getting that H to stay on my head though. A bloody nightmare! Anyway I’ve gone off on a slight tangent there, probably no point in worrying about it at the moment 🙂