New friends, outfits and gigs oh my!

I have had a busy bunch of weeks since I last posted. Visitors to the web edition of my page will notice that I got the hang of ‘widgets’ and now my page looks a lot more interesting. Also, two more gigs under my girly belt! Of varying quality it has to be said. I’m speaking of my own performance of course – I can be pretty harsh on myself a lot of the time. The one I did a couple of weeks ago was superb. That was the one where I said the dress code was: Fierce. I panicked and dug out a little black dress for the occasion. Sadly I haven’t seen any pictures from the evening as the lady running the night is on holiday but I looked a little bit like this…

I had a whale of a time and was especially happy to be able to hang out with Talullah Belle and Gabriel Featherstone. A dancer and a surreal comedian respectively. Also on the bill were Innocence Bliss, a very lovely lady indeed with a cracking sense of humour, the band Reality TV, who were a nice bunch of chaps and their fanbase were very kind towards us too. I found out afterwards that I’d missed a photo opportunity with the ladies in their entourage as I’d got changed back too hastily. It was ran by a lady called Yasmin who was really lovely too and compered by a drag artist called Diana Fire. Things got quite tense during a part of her act when she produced a knife and cut her tights off…also slicing into her shin. Twas a fierce looking wound to be sure. We were assured once some whisky was doused on it and it was bandaged up it’d be fine but I’m still not convinced.

After the gig Talullah was able to put me in touch with a lady who runs nights in the bar she works in. A rock bar in Partick called Rockus. I’ll be appearing there on Wednesday the 14th of September so I’m really looking forward to that too. I seen Gabriel again on Thursday last as I was appearing at his cabaret night in The Blue Chair called ‘The Boiling Dolphin Cabaret’. That was a good night too but I don’t know if I was on top form or not. I only did songs eschewing poetry as I wasn’t in the mood. I wore my trusty polka dot dress that I’ve had for a couple of years now. I felt dead pretty in it! As there is only one toilet there I had to get changed in work again but I’m cool with that now, I’m starting to enjoy it. I had my first ‘windy dress’ incident on the way to the station which made me giddy for a short while after. Arriving well before everyone else I had the chance to relax and have a meal. There weren’t many other people there so I wasn’t hassled and was able to converse with the owner. A Tasmanian lady called Lorelle – she was a formidable person indeed. Her brownies were outstanding!

I shared a stage with Amelia Bayler and Donald Henderson, 2 very funny comedians. I was taken with Amelia in particular, such confidence. Also there was a close-up magician and mentalist called Paul M Distefano. He was amazing! Amusingly one of the people he chose to do a trick on turned out to also be a magician (apparently they didn’t know each other). The gig was sparsely attended but I’ve come to enjoy those ones more. The intimacy is brilliant fun plus no one can hide or talk haha! 😄 (or eat nachos).

Outfits have been on my mind recently too. I needed some new ones and as well as purchasing some nice dresses myself, a good friend of my wife passed a few onto me. Pictures will follow…oh yes.

These are two that I have purchased at charity shops over the last fortnight.

I’m very excited about the next three I’m showcasing! These are the donations from my wife’s friend. The one at the end is especially fabulous 🙂

Isn’t that peach one exciting? It’s got stage written all over it! Can’t wait to wear it out (once I’ve solved the VPL problem lol).

Hopefully I’ll have some more things to write about soon. Definitely enjoying bringing Anna to life in more social situations these days. There may be opportunities for nights out in the next couple of weeks. I won’t say anymore incase I jinx them!

Have a fab weekend everybody X

More Publicity!

I was contacted a few weeks ago now by a website called Tranzgendr and asked if I wanted to tell my story. I popped over to the site and decided I liked the look and feel of it and thought sure why not. Would be great to add my voice to the throng. It was published later that same day! The header image is a proper picture from my last gig which I finally got to see the other day. Under the link I’ll share the other two.

http://tranzgendr.com/crossdresser/

In the past few days I’ve managed to get a couple more dates for the coming month. I’m set to play The Creative Martyrs’ Sinister Wink night which I’m especially looking forward to. Also I’m going to appear at my first non-cabaret style evening….an actual poetry night with real poets and everything. It is a themed night also, the theme is ‘equality’ so I’ll have the chance to write something new for it!

Panic Stations!

Yesterday my cover was almost blown, it was a very close one indeed! As you may know I had started an Instagram a few weeks back to try it out. It went rather well as it happens and through it I began to make some fab new connections plus bumping into a few familiar faces. Great fun indeed and over 3 weeks I’d managed to build up a bit of a following – just under 500 which is superb for such a short space of time. It eventually crashed down though yesterday morning…

…I had been having problems with my phone. You know when you’re clicking on things and nothing’s happening? At the time I was uploading a pic on Instagram before heading off to work. It is entirely possible I clicked on something I perhaps shouldn’t have. My phone complied in time and I headed out. On the journey I noticed I had some new follower notifications from people I actually knew. They were people who know about the Anna thing so I thought nothing of it. On my morning tea break I took a frantic call from my wife to say she’d had a notification that (insert male name) was on Instagram as Anna Blair and was inviting her to join him there! Panic set in and it seemed the only course of action was to delete the whole thing there and then 😦

I hated myself at first but reasoning won. In truth most of my Facebook friends who have one are arty types and would have got it but there are some close family members who definitely would not have. I will make another one but I know it won’t be the same at all. If I follow the same people back they’ll likely just ignore me knowing my luck. It’s crap starting from scratch.

I don’t want to end on a downer so I’ll share another pic from last weekend (pretty sure I didn’t put this up already). Have a good one when it comes X

The Poet Ponders Her Next Move

Hello there! I do hope you are all well, I’m all sore from a gig last night. Not a poetry one sadly but a solo guitar and shoutin’ style gig. It’s been a busy old week rehearsing for that one so I’ve been more or less taking a break from the soul searching poetry nonsense. As I sort of hinted at in my last post regarding my Youtube channel, I did a special session last Friday where I filmed the remaining 7 poems that weren’t up so you can now view my full repertoire such as it is. It was a fun session and I really got into it as I haven’t really had much physical practice. It’s mostly all been going on in my head. A bottle of wine was consumed in the process helping me relax and fueling me to read all my remainder (I had only intended on reading my brand new one ‘Huff’).

 

 

Yesterday I also got to see the pictures my friend took. I look pretty awful in a couple of them but it’s because I’m in the zone mid sentence and so on. Also I really should have brushed my hair before I went on lol! So courtesy of GAK Photography here they are…

 

 

Next time I’ll probably wear a different wig! Not sure when that will be but I hope to arrange something before the summer. There are loads of spoken word nights in Glasgow so I’m also thinking of infiltrating one of them but the matter of where to change would present a minor problem 🙂 In the meantime I’m just going to hunker down and expand the secret poem book as best I can.

One of the other things I did was join Instagram last weekend. I’ve met some colourful characters on that I can tell you! I really had no idea that you could send messages over it and so far they are the most irritating aspect. I’ve had to do a whole lot of blocking and declining I can tell you. I can be found under annasecretpoet – what else I guess?

Lastly I got a nice new camera during the week, a Canon DSLR. A rather complex beast but one I’m determined to master. Hopefully that means I can now provide high quality imagery in general from now on. The zoom is INCREDIBLE! I finally got to take a picture of the moon the other night and you can even make out the craters on it…

 

I must fly now as it is nearly lunchtime and a mighty hunger has descended upon us!

Take it easy xxx

Thursday Morning Dress Up

Sometimes I wish I could write something a bit more meaningful than this. I got the chance to dress up today for a few relaxed hours and I had a really nice time. Simple stuff. No new outfits as it wasn’t pre-planned though I did get a new dark brown wig with a fringe the other day. Impulse buy, it was relatively cheap. So I dug into the wardrobe and pulled out a few old skirts I haven’t worn in ages and some tops to match.

The black skirt I’ve had for ages and the
houndstooth top is one of my favourites though it does make my boobs look a bit too big!

The black top and grey skirt are old ones too. Rather tight fitting!

I am liking the new wig though – it is rather tight though and hard to know if I have it on right. It’s also a bit darker than I would normally go.

Hope you’ve all had a lovely Thursday! Let the clean-up operation begin (sighs)…

Anna xxx

Hand me down joy

It’s been a quiet old month on the whole though a week or so ago my wife had a big clearout and I couldn’t resist having a look through the piles! Sizing issues precluded most of it but I helped myself to a top or two, a couple of stretchy textured skirts, an intriguing black dress and some nightdresses (which I probably won’t wear as often but at the end of a session they are nice to slip into).

The Sunday morning I got was also a chance to try my new suspender belt. I wanted a simple lacy black one as the one I’ve had for years was part of a set, the only part I rescued sadly. It was nice to dress in the morning as I was able to apply my makeup at the living room window bathed in natural light. After years of going into the bathroom to do it (a bathroom with no window) it’s a revelation so it is! I think I did a pretty decent job.

I didn’t have very long before I had to snap out of my reverie and go and pick the kids up from my grandparents. On the way however I went shopping and have ended up with another couple of dresses. A really nice green one – it’s as green as you can get by the way! Like, Christmas green it is and only £2.50 to boot. The other one is from Primark and that was full price but totally my style, a dark green tartan dress with a black Peter Pan collar. It has a slight ‘school’ feel to it, hopefully it will make me look a bit younger. No pics of those yet, next time though!

I don’t know if any of my fellow crossdressers get this but I’m also experiencing that mad feeling of wanting to tell it to the world again. I realise I’m technically doing that by having an online presence but I mean like getting out the trumpets and standing atop a mountain – a large hill will do. Hopefully it will pass, I guess it must be normal. Maybe it’s also a good sign. A sign that perhaps I’ve finally began to accept myself which I never thought I would do.

XXX

Mid-Week Dress Up Joy

I always wish I had more important or exciting things to write about. As it is though I cannot fully express the joy and excitement of a mid-week dressing session, especially one that takes place during the day lasting through to the night. I had managed to secure a half-day from work and decided to have a little jaunt round the shops. Aside from important stuff like wine, popcorn etc I was blessed with discovering some bargains. Firstly these 2 dresses both cost 99p from Barnado’s;

The purple knitted one is very comfy indeed and I must have wore that for quite a while (it has pockets too, I love pockets).

As you can see I also did my legs and chest, a rare event indeed. Haven’t done my legs for about 7 months and it always makes a difference to the outfit not to mention that it ups the femininity factor. All of a sudden the skirts get shorter…

That last skirt is one of my favourites, it managed to survive the last purge. It’s just so ridiculously short. I know it doesn’t really go with stockings but I don’t care!

The other bargain I secured was in Primark where I found a pair of nude heels for £3 in the sale. Upon taking them to the counter I ended up in a bit of banter with the assistant. She didn’t really think they were my style and I told her that I had an outfit that would go swell with them (a lie) so stop being so presumptuous. When the shoes scanned they showed up as £1! I could have done a wee dance but I restrained myself and expressed pleasant surprise. There’s a little ankle strap on them that I considered cutting off but actually it looks okay on.

…my favourite view, I cannot lie!

Mostly I lounged around – though I did put a washing on, hoover and do the dishes so I’m not a totally lazy bitch. I like to try and make the most of this time. That’s why I never just wear one outfit and I’m assuming other cds are the same. There was a dress I got my wife for Christmas years ago that she has relinquished to me that I rather liked, I tried that out to. It was from Joe Browns so it wasn’t exactly cheap.

Finally what turned out to be the biggest surprise was a red dress I bought to wear at a Christmas gig last year*. I had never worn it with make-up and a wig before but I thought I’d give it a go because I was considering getting rid of it.

I’ve changed my mind as you can imagine.

Before I go here’s a shot of my new ridiculous shoes on. I’m still not used to them yet as they are a bit big for me and I have to stuff them at the back so they don’t fall off!

*I wear a dress and heels on stage with my band but I don’t go all the way. I get too warm on stage in normal attire so a full transformation would be out of the question.

Honesty

Recently I’ve been thinking about honesty. In my day to day existence I like to think I’m honest but the more I think about it that’s not strictly true. Maybe that’s normal. I realise we can’t all let our unabridged innermost thoughts loose so there has to be subtle levels to this.

As I’ve discussed elsewhere I have become a bit more open about my cross-dressing in recent years. Friends mainly – the only family that knows is my wife. Even then I have not been entirely honest with her about it. Telling her the basics was difficult enough but I chose to omit certain bits of information as I thought it’d be too much to take in in one go. Those two pieces of information were that I had a name for my alter-ego and that I had to varying degrees maintained an online presence for a number of years. I lied about the name thing because I thought that she would worry it was something more than an odd hobby. Almost like having a name would make Anna far more real and an actual separate personality. Stupid I know as it would have been easy to explain – Anna’s not separate. I’m very much a cocktail of masculine and feminine and can feel either at any given time though it has to  be said that my masculine side is the dominant one. It probably seems stupid but I dumbed it down to spare her feelings. We have young children you see and I think that my wife has other things to worry about like them.

The online thing wasn’t mentioned because it wasn’t relevant at the time. When I opened up to her I had just relapsed after my last purge so I had ditched the MySpace page (which was obsolete anyway, like Betamax and Mini-Discs). It has of course became relevant again as I have been writing this blog for over a year and a half now. Part of me wants to tell her about it but I know if I told her, odds are that she would want to see it. Which brings me to the most recent development – the fact that Anna has crossed the threshold. For walks and a night out. The primary reason the blog has not been alluded to as it details all these things and more.

What I’d really like to know is am I being supremely foolish in keeping things from her?

I’ve not held them back never intending on sharing them ever but it’s hard. I love her very much and have known her for a long time, almost half my life, and am sure that she will understand to an extent at least. For a few years I’ve been pondering writing my wife a letter in which to completely come clean. I’m better when writing things down as I know that when speaking, especially about a serious subject like emotions, I become really nervous and tangential. Last week I started putting pen to paper but I started to doubt if I should be so open. I do feel I owe her my total honesty but being a decidedly indecisive person I’m seeing it from both sides. Probably the best thing for me to do is to finish writing then decide.

Hard to Beat

It’s been a month now since Anna’s first night out on the town but it feels longer than that. Plans for a sequel have faltered in the early stages due to some of my friends deciding that perhaps they don’t really want to be associated with such an odd activity. I understand and have quietly and sadly shelved it for the time being. For now I find myself patiently awaiting the next opportunity to dress and I genuinely don’t know when that’ll be. Ordinarily that would make me feel a bit anxious as the days and weeks pass by but this time I feel different. I know I definitely want to do it and even have a few new things I can wear; a couple of dresses and a couple of new tops.

Maybe the night out was a bigger deal than I previously considered. It wasn’t a standard dressing session by any means it was really full on, so it might be hard to top. I’d really like to involve my wife if I can – if indeed I ever do it again. Who am I kidding? Need to man up (well, woman up) and think positive about this. I could make it a Halloween night out, not really gone out at Halloween for years. The last time I think I went as Rimmer from Red Dwarf. That was 2003 and if I’m remembering correctly the original plan was for me to drag up. My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time had procured a long blonde wig from her friend. That was actually the main reason I changed my mind. I don’t see myself as a blonde and I didn’t like how she did my make-up. Obviously I didn’t tell her that, the excuse I gave was more along the lines of me chickening out. We would have had to get on a bus to town for around an hour (and returned afterwards as well). I also didn’t feel feminine enough. At this time I didn’t have much of a clothes collection, only some bras and knickers. No dresses, no skirts, no heels, no point. All my girlfriend had thought to bring was a top that said ‘Barbie is a slut’ on it. I ended up cobbling together the Rimmer thing really quickly as a last minute replacement, see getting that H to stay on my head though. A bloody nightmare! Anyway I’ve gone off on a slight tangent there, probably no point in worrying about it at the moment 🙂

No Ordinary Debutante

With Anna’s social debut only weeks away the proper planning kicks in. For an average night out I hardly have to pre-think at all – well I am a man! An outfit, such as it is, will be picked at almost the last minute. This man outfit will most likely be a shirt and a coloured jeans combo which I have favoured in recent years. With Anna I feel I’m starting from scratch. Though I have to try hard to resist the temptation to buy loads of new things. Theoretically I don’t need a new jacket but I am keeping an eye out for one, preferably a black one that isn’t too long. The two jackets I have already both have their flaws, the hooded one particularly. Sadly that comfy number is cursed with sleeves that are a little short (or are my arms too long?). The long green one is fine but it’s £5 price tag was the chief motivation behind its purchase.

I never envisaged going out for a prolonged period of time else I would have invested a little more thought into their purchase. As for what I’m wearing beneath the jacket, that is easier. From when the idea of a night out was first mooted I instantly thought of my long red houndtooth dress paired with black ankle boots. More or less the outfit I donned on my last expedition outside. In the last week I have been stocking up on some accessories plus I bought a purse and a bag (both from a charity shop). Also, my thoughts have turned for the first time to earrings. Not having pierced ears they never really occurred to me before. Bless you clip ons! I couldn’t decide between hoops or red diamante drop ones so I got both. They were both off of eBay and were relatively inexpensive. I also purchased some rings, a new scarf and something pretty to wear on my wrist. Did I forget to mention that I got a new wig as well? My brown one has been in faithful service for nearly four years now and up close does not look too healthy so replacing it had been on the cards for a while anyway. The plastic hooks that control the tightness disintegrated some time ago and it’s being held together by paperclips!

Where should we end up? It will be after work and indeed it is with two female friends from work who shall be accompanying me. Eating may very well be cheating but it will be for the best – I don’t want to be sick over my lovely dress (or over them!). Initially I had wanted to go to a t-friendly bar/restaurant, but most of the ones I checked out were fully booked on the night in question. Looks like it has to be a normal bar/restaurant – a baptism of fire (well no actually, the whole first hour after coming out of the toilets will be the baptism of fire). Booking the table under my female name made me chuckle. Afterwards I’m hoping to end up in an area of Glasgow called the Merchant City which has several LGBT pubs/bars/clubs. There is one in particular I’d like to end up in as I hear their cocktails are spectacular.

Of course the issue of changing and commuting to town was put in place early on to enable the plan to built upon it. I shall change in work, bag up my man stuff and all three of us hop on a train for fpur stops. My man stuff will be deposited in Left Luggage for approx 4 hours and I aim to change for the journey home. At this point I must confess that I have not told my wife. There are still three things she doesn’t know and one of them is my occasional trips to the outside world. I do often consider imparting these last remaining secrets but then think better of it. It’s almost like I enjoy still keeping some of it for myself but also I know it could ruin things as they are. We have reached a rather comfortable stage I think, one in which we can have casual discussions about a skirt or she’ll recommend a foundation to me. I just need to be very careful but I always have been 🙂