Festivals, Photoshoots and Eyebrows oh my!

As I have been too busy to post in the last couple of months I thought I’d have a go today at sorting that out. June and July were fun indeed! In the middle of June I was at Eden Festival – my first proper festival experience. In spite of it being a total wash-out I had a great time. I was down with The Well Happy Band and we played a total of 3 gigs over the course of the weekend. In non Anna circumstances I reckon the Eden weekend would have merited a whole post to itself but I shall move on.

My first proper hosting gig went without incident thank goodness. I compered Queer Theory at Nice n’ Sleazy on the 14th of June. Apparently it is the first time it ever ran to schedule in fact! I elected to not hog the limelight too long and let the other acts get on with it. I doubt if I’ll be asked back to do it again though as I don’t think I’m host material. The first photos are ones I took myself backstage.

These were some of the better photos of me that night as snapped by Martin J Windebank.

On the 24th of June I undertook one of my odder shows. It was at a nightclub called Victorias in Glasgow and it was a benefit gig for a lady to raise money to buy a prosthetic arm. I shared the bill with some of my favourite comedians; Kavita Bhardwaj, Natalie Sweeney Potter, Aaron Wilkie and Andrew Ogilvie. Unfortunately given the venue’s reputation as a nightclub a lot of folk didn’t turn up for the comedy part of the evening which commenced sometime after 9. Lack of microphone stand led me to shout all my words out to be heard over my amp. Amusing I suppose. This is one of the few usable pics I took that night after changing.

At the end of June a window opened up for me to do a little bit of dress-up at home which is increasingly rare these days. It enabled me to try out some new outfits I had acquired recently from an aunt and some charity shop excursions.

I enjoyed all those looks, especially with fresh shorn legs! But my favourite was a tartan skater dress that I picked up earlier that day for the princely sum of £2.49 ❤

I loved this dress so much I elected to wear it for my first proper photoshoot which I had scheduled for the middle of July. This was to be with my friend Gary at GAK Photography, a Glasgow based photographer who specialises in cosplay shoots. We did it in a local beauty spot on a very rainy day but the results were mainly satisfactory. At this moment I have only had 2 edited pictures from the shoot and they are reproduced by kind permission below. When I see more I’ll no doubt share them incessantly!

Here are a few odds and ends from the dress-up session in my house to mop them up so to speak.

Over the last few months I have been working towards writing some new songs with the view to having an album out before Christmas. I have now amassed enough for an album and only need now record them in the appropriate fashion. I’ve also been enjoying trying these new songs out live at my last 3 shows at The Blue Chair, McPhabbs and The Project Cafe. In particular my new song ‘Eyebrows!’ has been going down a storm. To this end I decided to bring this forward as a single to promote ahead of my album. I recorded it on Friday evening and paired it with an outtake from my last Chairman Cow album called ‘P.S. Smell Me’.

Here is a link to download and or stream it completely free of charge! Anna Secret Poet – ‘Eyebrows!’ Also this is the cover art for it, I took it at McPhabbs. I was so excited to pose with this antique telephone!

Here are some photos from the last 3 gigs, all of them by me except the blurry action shot which I guess is by Fergus Mitchell.

I’ve a busy week ahead next week! 3 shows on Monday (Spangled at QMU, Glasgow University), Wednesday (Funny Lassies at Kilderkin as part of the Edinburgh Fringe) and Saturday (Pride at the 13th Note Cafè). Also I’ve a wee photoshoot on Saturday afternoon with Galactic Carnival that I’m looking forward to immensely. I hope to be sharing loads more photos again very soon 😉

Angry at Shadows

Hello there! Don’t worry unduly, I’m not actually angry. That’s the title of the poem I plan to sit at the end of this post. I realise I didn’t write about my last gig – I wasn’t too sure if anyone’d be too interested in stories about gigs now they’re normal occurances. It was fun though sparsely attended. An audience of 4…who incidentally all had four letter names! I wore my favourite teal skater dress and poemed and sang as per normal. Here are a couple of pics from just after I got changed.

I was a guest of The Creative Martyrs at their monthly cabaret entitled The Sinister Wink. They amongst my very favourite performers and I was suitably honoured to be sharing a stage with them. Also performing were Jack Squat (whom I cannot do justice to describe with mere words) and Luna TikTok who was an awesome burlesque dancer. She wowed us with a routine inspired by Vampira and ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’. It was a very intimate evening and I really enjoyed the show. I didn’t however enjoy the heat…which will become a recurring menace for the next batch of gigs I think. I wouldn’t normally choose to crossdress in the thick of the summer but now I absolutely have to as I’ve accrued some commitments 😄.

Last week marked a new first for me as it happens, I was attending a cabaret as Anna but not performing. It was also the first time I ventured outside in daylight and boarded a train to the gig. My debut Anna performance doesn’t count as the evenings in February are dark and therefore not daylight. Nothing untoward happened (apart from the damned heat ruining my carefully applied eye make-up). It was great fun! I got a chance to speak to a bunch of people and network as well. I met up with a couple of ladies who I’d briefly spoke to at the last All Sorts night Deborah and her friend Bea. Also I won a prize in the raffle which I sadly must have left at the venue. It was a scented candle as I recall 😯.

That last pic was taken by Deborah, she sent me a few but this was the best one.

I had a gig on Thursday night which I discussed in my last post. It was a real poetry and spoken word night so it was rather different to the cabarets I’m used to. I got changed in work again and damn me if it wasn’t even hotter this time on the train. Luckily I wore sunglasses this time so I didn’t look as messy. I had gotten myself really nervous this time but it turns out I needn’t have worried. It was a very interesting evening. Very inspirational indeed and I came away brimming with possibilities again. I was put on first which was fine by me as it meant I could relax and enjoy the remainder of the evening. I did a few choice favourites plus my equality poem which went well. My whole set did well luckily. There was laughter in all the right places! There was no photography on the night but I took a few snaps before ‘normalizing’.

It all got me really fired up for next few gigs. I’ve managed to infiltrate a night at the Classic Grand in Glasgow next Thursday called ‘Jamfest’. It’s not like a normal gig, there is a line-up but there’s also the bonus of being able to cross pollinate and jam with each other too! I fully intend to try a song out by recruiting a bassist and drummer on the hoof :). Including that show I have a total of 5 to look forward to up to November when I play the Burlesque Festival. Definitely shaping up to be an exciting few months!

So I shall end on a wee work in progess called… <br><br>
‘Angry at Shadows'<br><br>
Happily stealing

leftover feelings

scrape them away

like potato peelings

words are for writing

and sometimes igniting

the fire inside

when it’s time for fighting<br><br>
The syllables mounting

practically shouting

no virtue is made

of the facts they are doubting

geniuses fading

once were so laiden

with fantastic ideas

they’re no longer parading<br><br>
Movement is lyrical

moonlight is cynical

the risk of opinion

is swapped for a miracle

my temper forgot

it happens a lot

he has such a shit memory

of what he’s been taught

💋💋💋

Anna Strikes Again

On Monday night I got to get my poet on for the second time and I had tremendous fun. Feeling a lot less nervy this time round, was able to kind of relax and even planned my set out properly. I even got a chance to pose for some pics beforehand when the bar was pretty vacant as I’d hoped.

The other acts were amazing as well; Violet Duff, The Creative Martyrs, Wild Card Kitty (who came out dressed as a hot dog and left covered barely dressed splattered in ketchup and mustard), Markee De Saw (who’s tips on how to pick up women were priceless and included a note perfect rendition of ‘The Bad Touch’), Haystack Monolith, Kim Khaos, Lala, and the compere extraordinaire Paul Puppet. His rendition of ‘Happy Together’ in a german accent was particularly enjoyable.

I’m not sure when my next gig will be but that should allow me time to collect more material. I have applied for a few things and contacted people so I’m just waiting to see. Hopefully I’ll have another one to report before long X

A massive thank you to anyone who came along, especially my good lady wife who took these pictures!

An Anniversary and Mobile Phonies

I really want to share one of my new poems with you. It was only written a week ago but I’m really pleased with it so when a chance to dress up and film some came up it was included. I call it ‘Mobile Phonies’ and it’s about that modern day problem, you know the one I mean!

Next time a poem is lucky enough to be filmed I plan to make it more dynamic with editing and everything. I acquired a new software the other day and it’s a lot more user-friendly than the one I used to use. I need to make it more of a video as I guess static shot videos are harder to concentrate on these days.

I also came to the realisation that the 6th (or was it the 7th?) of March was the anniversary of Anna’s first night out. The original post documenting it can be found here https://annasecretpoet.wordpress.com/2015/03/08/annas-alive/ . Since then I’ve technically only managed one other and that was under the guise of a gig. I quite fancy another one at some point as I’m not sure I was sufficiently relaxed enough to enjoy the previous two. Watch this space! Upon pondering this I happened upon a little verse I wrote on the day of the first outing that I had completely forgotten about. It is untitled and I think I wrote it during my lunchbreak that day.

Senses sharpened
I open my eyes
Thoughts turn to
My iminent disguise
Will I be accepted?
Will anyone care?
I must have thought it over
Several times
Every few days
I would change my mind
A nice skirt and top
Or my red houndtooth dress
I never anticipated
This trivial stress
I don’t want to out-femme
My partner in crime
But I do want to have
An outrageous time
Maybe make some new friends
Outwith my comfort zone
‘Cause before I know it
I’ll be on the bus home

I’ve got a little time to also share a few photos from my little video shoot on Saturday night. I hope to have some gig news for the next time fingers crossed. Until then, take care X

Too Excited To Title This!

I have suddenly become very busy in the past week because I have my first Anna gig to prepare for! It takes place in just under a fortnights time at the 8th Birthday Celebrations of Spangled Cabaret – a highly respected and versatile font of cabaret in the west of Scotland. Terrified doesn’t even cover it!

Luckily ever since the inception of this idea (a mere 4 weeks ago) I have been endeavouring to stickpile material and I have around 7 poems and 3 unfinished or awaiting redrafts. My set will probably only be about 5 mins or so at a guess so that’s maybe 3 poems. It should be fine. I had a chance to dress rehearse quite literally on Saturday morning and filmed some of it too so I could watch it back. If it’s okay I would like to share one of the videos with yourselves. I have 3 on my Secret Poet YouTube channel (of which the url escapes me) but this is of my favourite one, ‘Stuck in a Dress’ which is based on a post from last year. A big shout out to http://www.burnseleanor21.wordpress.com for providing me with the best line – the pretty cage one X

I also found time to do the usual…pose about, lounge about…that sort of thing. Inevitably some photos ensued, this time using the ‘house camera’ which these days is a rare event indeed. Here are some of the highlights.

I don’t really know what’s happening in the last 2, wig was probably too tight or something. Getting a bit delirious!

Shameless plug alert – I also made a Facebook page which I would be most honoured if folk ‘liked’ it. Amusingly since inaugurating it last weekend I’ve had 10 unlikes but that’s probably just down to people deleting their profiles in shame, as some no doubt do periodically. It can be found at http://www.facebook.com/annasecretpoet

In the meantime I have the chance of one more rehearsal and my aim is to finish at least one more to try out at it. Then a week after that it all gets pretty real! I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend/week (delete where appropriate) X

Sunday Quickie

This post is simply here to say
I hope you have a smashing day,
I’m sitting with a glass of white
A perfect way to end the night!

Blogging Birthday!

Hello there, how on earth are you?
I’m rather well thank you. Just noticed a notification there informing me that I’ve been doing this blog for 2 years! Goodness me I didn’t realise it had been that long. I also reached another milestone today as it happens – 100 followers. I’m extremely grateful* for folk stopping by and I feel like I’ve made some awesome virtual friends in the process. You’re a right lovely bunch indeed!

*is that the right spelling? Am I just thinking about the Grateful Dead?

Raiders of the Lost Pics

Recently I discovered that my old MySpace is still there. I have no way of deactivating it as I no longer have access to the e-mail address I set it up with. It had been quietly sitting there gathering virtual dust all this time. I’m guessing it was around 2010 since I last logged in, the time of the last purge. Familiar faces greeted me from my Friends list but all posts and comments appear to have disappeared. I wonder what all those people are up to now and if they’ve abandoned their profiles for dead too. The reason I logged on was to have a look at some of my old pictures to see if they were still there. Indeed they were. I no longer have copies of them you see, having been overly careful down the years I would delete pics off the hard drive once I’d uploaded them. An idea I have been thinking over for some time is to sort out my Anna photo archive properly. From 2011 onwards I have a pretty comprehensive collection but the years prior to that are decidedly patchy. I had thought of maybe starting a Flickr account too. So I have somewhere to keep a back up but also have them on display for anyone who would appreciate them.

As often happens when you start looking at old photos I was transported back in time and thus lost track of it. I copied a fair few of them – not all though only the ones that looked okay. Some of them I had forgotten about and I cringed at some of the outfits and poses…

I began to think again about why as crossdressers we photograph ourselves as we inevitably don’t get to share them much (god bless the internet). I suppose it’s not too odd because really as people we photograph everything we see, especially these days. We like to chart the progression of our lives and we like to remember. I’m particularly pleased with my archive, it’s pretty much a decade’s worth.

Pictures can also be incredibly powerful, funny, moving, thought-provoking and obtuse. Sometimes all at once. I happen to think the best ones are not always posed. I really like the pictures where the subject(s) are not necessarily aware that they are being photographed. No one else has ever taken a photo of Anna and I think I’d really like that. It would be terribly interesting to see how that would turn out. I’ve often wanted to ask my wife but have been too shy. When we did the now traditional Halloween Anna evening last night I wanted to ask but couldn’t find the right opportunity. I suppose I’m also a bit worried because when we were discussing my last post she remarked how I seemed to default to ‘sex kitten’ in them. It was a good point but that’s probably just because o my wardrobe choices. Put me in a cute skirt and heels I automatically bend or point my knees and turn my head to one side. I can’t help it 😄

I did take a few pictures before we settled down to watch a film. Ended up in that green dress I bought a couple of months back and I even accessorised!

Hope you all had a great Halloween too! If I sort a Flickr out I’ll let you know X

Mid-Week Dress Up Joy

I always wish I had more important or exciting things to write about. As it is though I cannot fully express the joy and excitement of a mid-week dressing session, especially one that takes place during the day lasting through to the night. I had managed to secure a half-day from work and decided to have a little jaunt round the shops. Aside from important stuff like wine, popcorn etc I was blessed with discovering some bargains. Firstly these 2 dresses both cost 99p from Barnado’s;

The purple knitted one is very comfy indeed and I must have wore that for quite a while (it has pockets too, I love pockets).

As you can see I also did my legs and chest, a rare event indeed. Haven’t done my legs for about 7 months and it always makes a difference to the outfit not to mention that it ups the femininity factor. All of a sudden the skirts get shorter…

That last skirt is one of my favourites, it managed to survive the last purge. It’s just so ridiculously short. I know it doesn’t really go with stockings but I don’t care!

The other bargain I secured was in Primark where I found a pair of nude heels for £3 in the sale. Upon taking them to the counter I ended up in a bit of banter with the assistant. She didn’t really think they were my style and I told her that I had an outfit that would go swell with them (a lie) so stop being so presumptuous. When the shoes scanned they showed up as £1! I could have done a wee dance but I restrained myself and expressed pleasant surprise. There’s a little ankle strap on them that I considered cutting off but actually it looks okay on.

…my favourite view, I cannot lie!

Mostly I lounged around – though I did put a washing on, hoover and do the dishes so I’m not a totally lazy bitch. I like to try and make the most of this time. That’s why I never just wear one outfit and I’m assuming other cds are the same. There was a dress I got my wife for Christmas years ago that she has relinquished to me that I rather liked, I tried that out to. It was from Joe Browns so it wasn’t exactly cheap.

Finally what turned out to be the biggest surprise was a red dress I bought to wear at a Christmas gig last year*. I had never worn it with make-up and a wig before but I thought I’d give it a go because I was considering getting rid of it.

I’ve changed my mind as you can imagine.

Before I go here’s a shot of my new ridiculous shoes on. I’m still not used to them yet as they are a bit big for me and I have to stuff them at the back so they don’t fall off!

*I wear a dress and heels on stage with my band but I don’t go all the way. I get too warm on stage in normal attire so a full transformation would be out of the question.

Honesty

Recently I’ve been thinking about honesty. In my day to day existence I like to think I’m honest but the more I think about it that’s not strictly true. Maybe that’s normal. I realise we can’t all let our unabridged innermost thoughts loose so there has to be subtle levels to this.

As I’ve discussed elsewhere I have become a bit more open about my cross-dressing in recent years. Friends mainly – the only family that knows is my wife. Even then I have not been entirely honest with her about it. Telling her the basics was difficult enough but I chose to omit certain bits of information as I thought it’d be too much to take in in one go. Those two pieces of information were that I had a name for my alter-ego and that I had to varying degrees maintained an online presence for a number of years. I lied about the name thing because I thought that she would worry it was something more than an odd hobby. Almost like having a name would make Anna far more real and an actual separate personality. Stupid I know as it would have been easy to explain – Anna’s not separate. I’m very much a cocktail of masculine and feminine and can feel either at any given time though it has to  be said that my masculine side is the dominant one. It probably seems stupid but I dumbed it down to spare her feelings. We have young children you see and I think that my wife has other things to worry about like them.

The online thing wasn’t mentioned because it wasn’t relevant at the time. When I opened up to her I had just relapsed after my last purge so I had ditched the MySpace page (which was obsolete anyway, like Betamax and Mini-Discs). It has of course became relevant again as I have been writing this blog for over a year and a half now. Part of me wants to tell her about it but I know if I told her, odds are that she would want to see it. Which brings me to the most recent development – the fact that Anna has crossed the threshold. For walks and a night out. The primary reason the blog has not been alluded to as it details all these things and more.

What I’d really like to know is am I being supremely foolish in keeping things from her?

I’ve not held them back never intending on sharing them ever but it’s hard. I love her very much and have known her for a long time, almost half my life, and am sure that she will understand to an extent at least. For a few years I’ve been pondering writing my wife a letter in which to completely come clean. I’m better when writing things down as I know that when speaking, especially about a serious subject like emotions, I become really nervous and tangential. Last week I started putting pen to paper but I started to doubt if I should be so open. I do feel I owe her my total honesty but being a decidedly indecisive person I’m seeing it from both sides. Probably the best thing for me to do is to finish writing then decide.