What’s so funny?

Anna’s calendar certainly is fuller than I would have expected it to be at this moment. I’ve been off work this week (legitimitely I can assure you) and that’s me had 2 gigs really close to each other. Excitingly I got to perform at my birthplace so to speak, Spangled Cabaret at the Rio Cafè. Always good fun at Spangled! I was intending to attend anyway but I got offered a last minute insertion. Figuring I’d better make an effort I elected to wear that ivory or is it cream dress with the black ruffle on the chest. I also did my legs so I could pair it with a pair of nude heels and attempt elegance.

Damn those heels were tricky! I got changed prior to arriving at the cafè so I had to walk about 20 mins or so over uneven ground. I’m such a glutton for punishment. At least next time I wear them I shant slip or fall over…I wore these at Queer Theory in June and as they were not scored underneath I managed to slip coming down and almost c***ed it (to use a charming Glaswegian phrase). 

Photos courtesy of Ruth EJ Booth who kindly tweeted them later that evening!

As usual the evening was hosted by the unstoppable force that is Paul Puppet. Also performing were Markee De Saw and Bert Finkle, Gabriel Featherstone, Kim Khaos, The Guru and The Creative Martyrs. All were on top form and it was an honour to share a stage with them. I hope I don’t have to wait too long for the next time! In the beginning I was worried about where Anna could play and thought that Spangled may be the only possible outlet. I was very wrong indeed. I’ve been accepted and embraced by a bunch of different scenes – the one I never foresaw was the stand up scene. 

I would never have thought of my act as especially funny, though I do have a sense of humour and it does run through a lot of what I do. Well that’s where I found myself last night, at an evening called Comedy Rocks in a bar called Rockus. It was ran by a formidable lady called Gillian Leckie. My fellow performers were; John Boyle, Darren Dodds, Immy Cann, Gordon Joss, Sam Tennent, Adam Julians and Craig Hosie. I was on 6th so had been sitting about in the bar for a wee while scribbling a set and crossing stuff out again. When I eventually mounted the tiny stage I made sure to not be too boring. I gave them a short poem about plastic poisoning and the perennial favourite ‘Stuck in a dress’. Songwise they were treated to a song called ’13 Stone’a’luv’ which I used to perform with my old band. I like it because it gives me a chance to be dramatic and over the top. Sometimes when my band did it we’d segue into a note perfect rendition of ‘I Feel Love’ but time was tight this evening. I finished with ‘Bonus Sausage’, a charming ode to a kind canteen lady. It all seemed to go well, in fact I may be going back there next month so I’ll need to up the ante at that one if I can.

I had to get changed in work again, this time I treated myself to a sauna…I mean train (it was more sauna than train!)

After I came off I was approached by a chap called Daniel who asked if he could borrow my guitar to perform a couple of tunes. During our brief chat I realised we had a lot in common musically so I didn’t hesitate. It turns out he wasn’t on the bill but had persuaded himself onto it and I’m sure glad he did. His songs were very funny! Both about prisons actually 😄. He gave me his card so hopefully there could be a collaboration in the works. I hung about until just before closing as the general chat and banter was great. Had a great week so far it has to be said. Not sure if I enjoyed shaving 2 days after having last done so – my face was aflame! It’ll be practice for November though as I have 2 gigs 2 days apart. So far it looks like Rockus in October is the next one possibly followed by Extra Second at The Blue Chair, which is a poetry and spoken word evening I appeared at in July. The theme this time is Drugs I believe so I should have plenty of time to come up with something. I’m seriously considering writing a positive drugs piece but I’ll no doubt get back to you on that!

New friends, outfits and gigs oh my!

I have had a busy bunch of weeks since I last posted. Visitors to the web edition of my page will notice that I got the hang of ‘widgets’ and now my page looks a lot more interesting. Also, two more gigs under my girly belt! Of varying quality it has to be said. I’m speaking of my own performance of course – I can be pretty harsh on myself a lot of the time. The one I did a couple of weeks ago was superb. That was the one where I said the dress code was: Fierce. I panicked and dug out a little black dress for the occasion. Sadly I haven’t seen any pictures from the evening as the lady running the night is on holiday but I looked a little bit like this…

I had a whale of a time and was especially happy to be able to hang out with Talullah Belle and Gabriel Featherstone. A dancer and a surreal comedian respectively. Also on the bill were Innocence Bliss, a very lovely lady indeed with a cracking sense of humour, the band Reality TV, who were a nice bunch of chaps and their fanbase were very kind towards us too. I found out afterwards that I’d missed a photo opportunity with the ladies in their entourage as I’d got changed back too hastily. It was ran by a lady called Yasmin who was really lovely too and compered by a drag artist called Diana Fire. Things got quite tense during a part of her act when she produced a knife and cut her tights off…also slicing into her shin. Twas a fierce looking wound to be sure. We were assured once some whisky was doused on it and it was bandaged up it’d be fine but I’m still not convinced.

After the gig Talullah was able to put me in touch with a lady who runs nights in the bar she works in. A rock bar in Partick called Rockus. I’ll be appearing there on Wednesday the 14th of September so I’m really looking forward to that too. I seen Gabriel again on Thursday last as I was appearing at his cabaret night in The Blue Chair called ‘The Boiling Dolphin Cabaret’. That was a good night too but I don’t know if I was on top form or not. I only did songs eschewing poetry as I wasn’t in the mood. I wore my trusty polka dot dress that I’ve had for a couple of years now. I felt dead pretty in it! As there is only one toilet there I had to get changed in work again but I’m cool with that now, I’m starting to enjoy it. I had my first ‘windy dress’ incident on the way to the station which made me giddy for a short while after. Arriving well before everyone else I had the chance to relax and have a meal. There weren’t many other people there so I wasn’t hassled and was able to converse with the owner. A Tasmanian lady called Lorelle – she was a formidable person indeed. Her brownies were outstanding!

I shared a stage with Amelia Bayler and Donald Henderson, 2 very funny comedians. I was taken with Amelia in particular, such confidence. Also there was a close-up magician and mentalist called Paul M Distefano. He was amazing! Amusingly one of the people he chose to do a trick on turned out to also be a magician (apparently they didn’t know each other). The gig was sparsely attended but I’ve come to enjoy those ones more. The intimacy is brilliant fun plus no one can hide or talk haha! 😄 (or eat nachos).

Outfits have been on my mind recently too. I needed some new ones and as well as purchasing some nice dresses myself, a good friend of my wife passed a few onto me. Pictures will follow…oh yes.

These are two that I have purchased at charity shops over the last fortnight.

I’m very excited about the next three I’m showcasing! These are the donations from my wife’s friend. The one at the end is especially fabulous 🙂

Isn’t that peach one exciting? It’s got stage written all over it! Can’t wait to wear it out (once I’ve solved the VPL problem lol).

Hopefully I’ll have some more things to write about soon. Definitely enjoying bringing Anna to life in more social situations these days. There may be opportunities for nights out in the next couple of weeks. I won’t say anymore incase I jinx them!

Have a fab weekend everybody X

More Publicity!

I was contacted a few weeks ago now by a website called Tranzgendr and asked if I wanted to tell my story. I popped over to the site and decided I liked the look and feel of it and thought sure why not. Would be great to add my voice to the throng. It was published later that same day! The header image is a proper picture from my last gig which I finally got to see the other day. Under the link I’ll share the other two.

http://tranzgendr.com/crossdresser/

In the past few days I’ve managed to get a couple more dates for the coming month. I’m set to play The Creative Martyrs’ Sinister Wink night which I’m especially looking forward to. Also I’m going to appear at my first non-cabaret style evening….an actual poetry night with real poets and everything. It is a themed night also, the theme is ‘equality’ so I’ll have the chance to write something new for it!

Beautiful Lace Dress

Hello there!

This is just a quick post, more an excuse to show off pics of a new dress I purchased last Friday. Another charity shop win 🙂

Unfortunately I don’t have a decent vest top to wear underneath it but at least I found a light coloured bra. I’m sure you all don’t mind! I also found time to rehearse and pose with my guitar, which I don’t think I’ve actually done before. Normally the guitars lurk about in the background.

Going For Cute

I’m convinced I’m getting worse at titling these posts, never mind running out of stuff to post about. At the moment the two things at the forefront of my mind (and hence of diary-esque potential) are my next two gigs. One’s a cabaret and it’s an awesome line-up. By rights I should be incredibly nervous sharing the stage with this particular bunch – and I am. I still haven’t had a proper practice yet and I have a week and a half to go (!) but at least I’ve sorted the look and outfit 😄

For this first gig I’m going to go for a more cute look. Green skater skirt, black short sleeve top and red hair. This is one I’ve already worn before but in the comfort of my own home.

These pictures have appeared in a previous post but here they are the modified and filtered Instagram equivalents. Really brings out the ginger and green. Basically I wanted to look a bit more playful this time round and less austere from the first two gigs.

For the one after that I’m playing a night called ‘Queer Theory’ and I’m a bit more excited by that as I have less an idea what it will be like. The outfit I have chosen for that is one of my favourite skirts teamed with a grey v-neck sweater that my wife gave me recently.

It is very possible I could change my mind at the last minute but at the moment I’m set on this.

Outfit chosen I took the opportunity to try a couple of other things out while I was at it. Just a couple of other tops I came into possession of.

Annoyingly I managed to tear a bit of the above top when trying it on, forgetting I was meant to be a graceful lady ha ha!

The Poet Ponders Her Next Move

Hello there! I do hope you are all well, I’m all sore from a gig last night. Not a poetry one sadly but a solo guitar and shoutin’ style gig. It’s been a busy old week rehearsing for that one so I’ve been more or less taking a break from the soul searching poetry nonsense. As I sort of hinted at in my last post regarding my Youtube channel, I did a special session last Friday where I filmed the remaining 7 poems that weren’t up so you can now view my full repertoire such as it is. It was a fun session and I really got into it as I haven’t really had much physical practice. It’s mostly all been going on in my head. A bottle of wine was consumed in the process helping me relax and fueling me to read all my remainder (I had only intended on reading my brand new one ‘Huff’).

 

 

Yesterday I also got to see the pictures my friend took. I look pretty awful in a couple of them but it’s because I’m in the zone mid sentence and so on. Also I really should have brushed my hair before I went on lol! So courtesy of GAK Photography here they are…

 

 

Next time I’ll probably wear a different wig! Not sure when that will be but I hope to arrange something before the summer. There are loads of spoken word nights in Glasgow so I’m also thinking of infiltrating one of them but the matter of where to change would present a minor problem 🙂 In the meantime I’m just going to hunker down and expand the secret poem book as best I can.

One of the other things I did was join Instagram last weekend. I’ve met some colourful characters on that I can tell you! I really had no idea that you could send messages over it and so far they are the most irritating aspect. I’ve had to do a whole lot of blocking and declining I can tell you. I can be found under annasecretpoet – what else I guess?

Lastly I got a nice new camera during the week, a Canon DSLR. A rather complex beast but one I’m determined to master. Hopefully that means I can now provide high quality imagery in general from now on. The zoom is INCREDIBLE! I finally got to take a picture of the moon the other night and you can even make out the craters on it…

 

I must fly now as it is nearly lunchtime and a mighty hunger has descended upon us!

Take it easy xxx

Hard to Beat

It’s been a month now since Anna’s first night out on the town but it feels longer than that. Plans for a sequel have faltered in the early stages due to some of my friends deciding that perhaps they don’t really want to be associated with such an odd activity. I understand and have quietly and sadly shelved it for the time being. For now I find myself patiently awaiting the next opportunity to dress and I genuinely don’t know when that’ll be. Ordinarily that would make me feel a bit anxious as the days and weeks pass by but this time I feel different. I know I definitely want to do it and even have a few new things I can wear; a couple of dresses and a couple of new tops.

Maybe the night out was a bigger deal than I previously considered. It wasn’t a standard dressing session by any means it was really full on, so it might be hard to top. I’d really like to involve my wife if I can – if indeed I ever do it again. Who am I kidding? Need to man up (well, woman up) and think positive about this. I could make it a Halloween night out, not really gone out at Halloween for years. The last time I think I went as Rimmer from Red Dwarf. That was 2003 and if I’m remembering correctly the original plan was for me to drag up. My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time had procured a long blonde wig from her friend. That was actually the main reason I changed my mind. I don’t see myself as a blonde and I didn’t like how she did my make-up. Obviously I didn’t tell her that, the excuse I gave was more along the lines of me chickening out. We would have had to get on a bus to town for around an hour (and returned afterwards as well). I also didn’t feel feminine enough. At this time I didn’t have much of a clothes collection, only some bras and knickers. No dresses, no skirts, no heels, no point. All my girlfriend had thought to bring was a top that said ‘Barbie is a slut’ on it. I ended up cobbling together the Rimmer thing really quickly as a last minute replacement, see getting that H to stay on my head though. A bloody nightmare! Anyway I’ve gone off on a slight tangent there, probably no point in worrying about it at the moment 🙂

Anna’s Alive!

So I survived intact after a night out as Anna. I’m not sure how to write about it but I do know I should keep it brief and vaguely interesting. I have read accounts of other people’s nights out and some have a tendency to overshare, delving into the minutae in excruciating detail.

This is how I looked after around 75 minutes of scrambling around in a work toilet…

I think having someone else with me helped a great deal, the only real terror came when exiting the toilet and stepping out the main door. It was so damned windy and my hair immediately went to pot. I met my friend and we walked to the train station. On the way I was read by a couple of passing girls who screeched with what I can only assume was glee “tranneeee!”. That did make me chuckle. From then on though I was oblivious to any other such attention. In fact I feel I should thank everyone I came into contact with that night for not batting their eyelids and treating me as normal. Basically I just had to go for it and interact with people and it paid off. Having never really given Anna’s voice any thought prior to this, I thought it best to just speak a bit softer without being over the top scaling octaves like a mad man. It seemed to work.

We only had between 6 and 10pm to work with so we went to 2 places. First we had food at a place called ‘The Living Room’ and it was really nice and friendly. The waitress impressed me no end by asking ‘us ladies’ if we wanted a drink while we waited. Whilst there I also got to visit the Ladies Bathroom which has always been a mysterious place for me. I fixed my hair and make-up and a couple of other girls were taking selfies.

The next venue was a bar in the Merchant City of Glasgow called ‘The Riding Room’. Now this is defintely a place I’ll return to, in fact me and my friend are discussing the possibilities of this. I’ll try not to get too excited just incase. This was my first opportunity to go to the bar and I think I did alright. The barman even called me darling. In fact my friend was certain he was checking me out! Whilst there my boobs came a little undone so I had to visit the bathroom again to fix them – damn! On the way back up the stairs (for the toilets were downstairs) a man held the door open for me and said “after you hen” which quickly became another highlight. It was indeed sad to leave, though it could have got awkward as the place started to fill up with people and a couple of them I actually knew from the gig circuit. I curse myself now for not going over to say hello as they are arty types who would probably have appreciated the effort that went into such a transformation. Well that’s what I’m telling myself 😉

Back to the station we trudged. I got my man bag from Left Luggage and we popped to the toilets so I could change. Funnily enough I got shouted at while I was at the mirrors by an attendant. “You’re not supposed to be in here” he said, but I assured him I was a woman 5 minutes ago and he didn’t have a problem then!

I had the luxury of an empty house when I got home so I decided to make the most of it and got dressed again (what am I like?).

Really glad I went out and I can’t wait to do it all again and hopefully with a bigger crowd (and for longer). I feel so blessed that I have great friends that are more than happy to go along with my tranny tendencies, I wish everyone had that.

No Ordinary Debutante

With Anna’s social debut only weeks away the proper planning kicks in. For an average night out I hardly have to pre-think at all – well I am a man! An outfit, such as it is, will be picked at almost the last minute. This man outfit will most likely be a shirt and a coloured jeans combo which I have favoured in recent years. With Anna I feel I’m starting from scratch. Though I have to try hard to resist the temptation to buy loads of new things. Theoretically I don’t need a new jacket but I am keeping an eye out for one, preferably a black one that isn’t too long. The two jackets I have already both have their flaws, the hooded one particularly. Sadly that comfy number is cursed with sleeves that are a little short (or are my arms too long?). The long green one is fine but it’s £5 price tag was the chief motivation behind its purchase.

I never envisaged going out for a prolonged period of time else I would have invested a little more thought into their purchase. As for what I’m wearing beneath the jacket, that is easier. From when the idea of a night out was first mooted I instantly thought of my long red houndtooth dress paired with black ankle boots. More or less the outfit I donned on my last expedition outside. In the last week I have been stocking up on some accessories plus I bought a purse and a bag (both from a charity shop). Also, my thoughts have turned for the first time to earrings. Not having pierced ears they never really occurred to me before. Bless you clip ons! I couldn’t decide between hoops or red diamante drop ones so I got both. They were both off of eBay and were relatively inexpensive. I also purchased some rings, a new scarf and something pretty to wear on my wrist. Did I forget to mention that I got a new wig as well? My brown one has been in faithful service for nearly four years now and up close does not look too healthy so replacing it had been on the cards for a while anyway. The plastic hooks that control the tightness disintegrated some time ago and it’s being held together by paperclips!

Where should we end up? It will be after work and indeed it is with two female friends from work who shall be accompanying me. Eating may very well be cheating but it will be for the best – I don’t want to be sick over my lovely dress (or over them!). Initially I had wanted to go to a t-friendly bar/restaurant, but most of the ones I checked out were fully booked on the night in question. Looks like it has to be a normal bar/restaurant – a baptism of fire (well no actually, the whole first hour after coming out of the toilets will be the baptism of fire). Booking the table under my female name made me chuckle. Afterwards I’m hoping to end up in an area of Glasgow called the Merchant City which has several LGBT pubs/bars/clubs. There is one in particular I’d like to end up in as I hear their cocktails are spectacular.

Of course the issue of changing and commuting to town was put in place early on to enable the plan to built upon it. I shall change in work, bag up my man stuff and all three of us hop on a train for fpur stops. My man stuff will be deposited in Left Luggage for approx 4 hours and I aim to change for the journey home. At this point I must confess that I have not told my wife. There are still three things she doesn’t know and one of them is my occasional trips to the outside world. I do often consider imparting these last remaining secrets but then think better of it. It’s almost like I enjoy still keeping some of it for myself but also I know it could ruin things as they are. We have reached a rather comfortable stage I think, one in which we can have casual discussions about a skirt or she’ll recommend a foundation to me. I just need to be very careful but I always have been 🙂

Dress Day Dawns

You will understand the excitement that surges through you when a dress date finally arrives. Presumably I won’t need to go into too much detail. The rarity of them these days tends to build them up in my mind considerably, though they rarely disappoint. This one came with the added bonus of an empty house overnight and into the afternoon. I took a half day from work in celebration and planned a light shopping trip on the way home. I really wanted a new pair of ankle boots, preferrably black and with a chunkier heel than the ones I have at present. In Primark I got such a pair in the sale for £10. Also while I was in a charity shop I spied a very smart pair of red heels marked down to £2! They were a size 8 so I knew they probably wouldn’t fit me but they may fit my wife (they did just that). When presenting them at the till the old lady was horrified and appalled by my £10 note and pleaded for something smaller. I scraped £1.90 together. That made her a lot happier and a deal was struck. After that I decided it was home time and I was overdue some lunch, which if you’re interested came in the form of poached eggs, bacon and toast. A short period of rest followed and then I put ‘Operation Hair Removal’ into action; legs, chest, under arms and face. For the legs these days I favour a sensitive hair removal cream like Nair. It’s really easy to use and the hair doesn’t grow back so coarse. Sometime later the transformation got underway and here are some of the looks I affected over the coarse of the evening…

I had had a few beers in the afternoon but once Anna was on the scene I switched to a bottle of Rose that I’d got for Christmas. It was yummy and I became rather tipsy. With tipsy also comes ‘saucy’ and then this happened…

Being a maid was tiring so I decided it was time to put my feet up and watch a film. There are a plethora of films on out Tivo box that we’ve recorded over the last 6 months so I picked one of them: ‘The Wicker Tree’, from the director of one of my favourites ‘The Wicker Man’. It was poor – I knew it was going to be. Some born again Christians from Texas go to Scotland to remind the heathens there about Christ. They end up in the hands of some randy pagans who’ve been looking for pure souls to appease their gods. I ended up on Youtube after that and came across some female hypnosis videos. Don’t know if they worked properly or not as in my drunken state I had become rather relaxed and fell asleep doing the second video. It couldn’t have been for long but when I awoke I had a strong compulsion to go out for a stroll. This is not unusual. I have ventured outside several times over the last couple of years, mostly after midnight and never too far. There was snow on the ground but I would not be deterred, I would wear my knee high boots (none of these wellingtons!). I touched up my make-up and slipped into my red houndtooth dress. After pulling on the boots over my smooth tight-less legs I threw on a long coat plus a silvery scarf, gloves and some ear muffs. It was a cold, calm and still world I walked around. Only the occssional footprint in mostly virgin snow. I felt recharged, formidable even. I felt like a trailblazer charging through the snowblown wilds…of course in reality I was just a restless drunk tranny strutting up a deserted street at midnight! Hopefully I did it in a vaguely fabulous way…

On a high from my brief sojourn I ended up in bed late and awoke early with a cat nudging my face. It’s not unusual, if I have time that is, for there to be what I call an overspill into the morning. That’s to say I make the most of the time I have and dress up again for a while in the morning. A simple black stretchy skirt and the stripey top from last night. I also took the opportunity to type up and post my last blog entry in character which I’ve only really done a couple of times. After doing that I got to thinking about my outing again and how much I’d really like a night on the town. I am aware that there are T-friendly bars and clubs in Glasgow but would need to seek an ally or allies from amongst my friends to accompany me. I must go out soon! This is the next step and I shall need to plan it in fairly close detail – so let the planning/dreaming commence 🙂